IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of passenger railway journeys made in Great Britain between 1950 and 2004/5. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of passenger railway journeys made in Great Britain between 1950 and 2004/5. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given line graph illustrates, how
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people travelled by train (National
rail
Use synonyms
 network, London underground, Light
rail
Use synonyms
 and metro system) in the UK from 1950 to 2004/5.
Overall
Linking Words
, the National
Rail
Use synonyms
 Network carried a higher
number
Use synonyms
 of passengers than the other two systems from the commencing with the
last
Linking Words
 and the rate
was fluctuated
Change to the active voice
fluctuated
show examples
 over the period.
However
Linking Words
, in 1950,
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of passengers
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
rail
Use synonyms
 network were 1000
million
Use synonyms
 and,
therefore
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
slightly increased and reach
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 around 1100
million
Use synonyms
 in 1960. After that sudden decrease was demonstrated with slight fluctuation and it declined to 700
million
Use synonyms
 during 1980.
Then
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
was gradually risen
Change to the active voice
gradually rose
has gradually risen
show examples
 and in 2004/5
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of travellers was
approximately
Replace the adverb
approximate
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
900
million
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the rate of tourists in the subway was 700
million
Use synonyms
 and it showed
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leveled
Change the spelling
levelled
show examples
 off with some ups and downs till 1970 and
then
Linking Words
 it decreased to 500
million
Use synonyms
 after one decade.
Change the spelling
Afterwards
show examples
Afterward
Add a comma
,Afterward
show examples
 the rate
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
sharply escalated to 800
million
Use synonyms
 during the 1990s which showed
similar
Add an article
the similar
a similar
show examples
 point
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the 1st railway system
thereafter
Linking Words
 after some fluctuation it reached the top point
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the light train and metro system was started
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1965 and only a few
million
Use synonyms
 people use it in the beginning, the
number
Use synonyms
 of passengers was rising over the period.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words rail, number, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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