IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

It has become easier and more affordable for people to travel to other coutries. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and relevant examples from your experience

#people #travel #coutries #development
It is irrefutable that international tourism has taken mammoth dimensions as it has become the backbone of many economies of the world.
This
 situation has merits and demerits as well but from my point of view, its advantages
overstrip
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 its disadvantages.
To begin
 with, the first and foremost is employment.Owing
to
Correct pronoun usage
to this
show examples
,
tourism
Add an article
the tourism
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 industry provides
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of avenues of jobs to local people,who might be unemployed
otherwise
 as they can work in many hotels,
restaurants
Correct word choice
and restaurants
show examples
,
tour
Change preposition
as tour
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 guides, drivers and so on.
Therefore
, not only
they
Add a missing verb
do they
show examples
 earn bread and butter but
also
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
raise their standard of living,
secondly
, tourists get
first hand
Add a hyphen
first-hand
show examples
 knowledge as they come to know about the culture, traditions and
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 of
host
Add an article
the host
show examples
 country.
As a result
, they widen their horizon of knowledge by acquiring
this
 level of information.
Additionly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, when visitors pump a large chunk of money ,
this
 allows local
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 like hotels, restaurants and shops to flourish.
This
, in
turn
Add the comma(s)
turn,
show examples
 means that the whole economy of
region
Correct article usage
the region
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 thrives.
However
, on the other side, it has
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 demerits
Rephrase
apply
show examples
also
. First of all, tourists give birth to criminals as they have several precious and costly things .
For example
-
camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
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, jewellery and cash
so
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some natives think
them
Change preposition
of them
show examples
 as easy prey.
This
 results
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 rising crime at
tourism
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
 spots.
Furthermore
, it poses a
deterimental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 on health because tourists spread
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of garbage
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different places, which may cause grave problems.Recently, a fatal infectious disease called
covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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come
Wrong verb form
came
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 into view, which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 causing deaths globally
Change preposition
at on
show examples
on
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 alarming rate
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
surprisingly no vaccination, treatment or medicine
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
found
till now so
Rephrase
yet
show examples
,
visitors
Correct word choice
so visitors
show examples
 had better think about
ownself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
as well as
host
Add an article
the host
a host
show examples
 country. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would opine that its pros overlooked its cons and it is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high time to solve
this
 problem on
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 level and individual level.
Submitted by sharnpreet257 on

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task response
Ensure that each body paragraph includes a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point of the paragraph. Develop your ideas fully with relevant examples and analysis. Make sure to address all parts of the prompt and maintain a clear position throughout your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas more coherently. Use transition words and phrases to show the logical connections between sentences and paragraphs. Also, be sure to organize your ideas in a clear and structured manner to improve the overall coherence of your essay.

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