In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of their time indoors. What are the causes and how it could be solved?

#parts #world #children #teenagers #time #indoors

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An increase in the number of children and adolescents spending most of their leisure time indoors occurs in many countries of the world each year.

This

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essay discusses the possible causes

for

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show examples

this

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problem and measures that can be taken to tackle it.

To begin

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, personally, I think that there are many contributions to

this

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issue.

However

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, the most probable and plausible ones are the tendency to use a smartphone and a desire to play video games

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the

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apply

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home

such

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playstation

Correct your spelling

PlayStation

and

xbox

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Xbox

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The technology

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Technology

show examples

has developed remarkably

since

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show examples

the past few decades and

this

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has led to

the

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show examples

era where

the

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apply

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children and juveniles spend relatively more time on smartphones rather than

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on outdoors

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outdoors

Replace the word

outdoor

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activities. As a

teenager

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teenager,

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I am

also

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prone to sit

entire

Correct article usage

an entire

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day in a virtual life rather than in a face to face communication. Many of the teenies

also

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prefer playing video games in different sources of media. These two factors have resulted in a significant effect on the youngster's consciousness. Fortunately, I am convinced that there are too many options to solve

this

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tough question, but I will mention

about

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apply

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the two most appropriate

with

Correct word choice

apply

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the

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apply

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situation measures.

Firstly

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, the volunteers should organize more events where the children move actively and gather together outdoors.

Secondly

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the

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apply

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governments or different famous organizations should focus on

making

Verb problem

holding

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international conferences where adolescents can work as volunteers to strengthen their communication skills or language use. It awakens the interest in

person

Add an article

the person

a person

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to proceed working outdoors. If these two actions are held, I strongly believe that it will diminish the rate of staying at home. In conclusion, the main cause for

this

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issue is an interest in technology and the most suitable solution is organizing big events and volunteering programs.

Submitted by asiksep on Fri May 01 2020

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task response

The essay adequately presents the causes and solutions to the issue of children spending more time indoors, but the development of the points and the use of examples need more thoroughness and clarity.

coherence cohesion

The essay demonstrates a fair level of coherence and cohesion, but there are instances where the logical progression of ideas could be improved to enhance the overall structure of the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

292 words

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In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are spending more and more of their time indoors. What are the causes and how it could be solved?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar; which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achive anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this messages?

some people think the Olympic Games are an existing event that can bring nations together. Others think it’s a waste of money. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people say that the increasing business and cultural contact between countries is a positive development, while others think that many countries will lose their national identities as a result. Discuss both views and give your opinion