The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with the problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Due to
risen number
Suggestion
the risen number
a risen number
of
fatty
Suggestion
fat
people
,
Accept space
,
health
care system is under pressure to tackle with
relatable
diseases.
However many
Accept comma addition
However, many
people recommended to add more physical activities in
school schedule
Suggestion
the school schedule
school schedules
. I literally agree with
this
statement because it
allow
Suggestion
allows
students to have healthy
body
as well as
healthy
Suggestion
healthy minds
a healthy mind
mind
.
Accept space
.
So
this
essy
an analytic or interpretive literary composition
essay
will discuss these effects in
upcoming paragraphs
Suggestion
the upcoming paragraphs
.
To begin
with
,
Accept space
,
by introducing physical education in schools
,
Accept space
,
students
get
Suggestion
gets
good physique. During
school
age
,
Accept space
,
children have ability to accept and apply it with ease. Owing to
this
,
Accept space
,
their
body
get
Suggestion
gets
addicted to
good habit
Suggestion
the good habit
good habits
of exercising daily causing cutting excessive fat in their
body
.
Consequently
, they start gaining
positve
characterized by or displaying affirmation or acceptance or certainty etc.
positive
confidence towards life.
Such
as in Finland
,
Accept space
,
around 14 percent obesity related issues have been solved after applying
this
strategy seriously in
school
,
Accept space
,
according to WHO. Another positive result can be achieved is
healthy
Suggestion
a healthy mind
mind
.
Accept space
.
Participating regularly in physical work not only improve
health
from
outside but
Accept comma addition
outside, but
also
have great influence on
student's
Suggestion
a student's mind
the student's mind
student's minds
mind
such
as increase concentration level
.
Accept space
.
This
in turn
lead
Suggestion
leads
them getting high grades
.
Accept space
.
Moreover having
Accept comma addition
Moreover, having
good control
on
Suggestion
of
mind
tend to not let them eating junk food which could be
long term solution
Suggestion
the long term solution
a long term solution
long term solutions
of common obesity related diseases like heart attack
.
Accept space
.
According to 2o13 survey conducted by
health department
Suggestion
the health department
health departments
in Copenhagen
,
Accept space
,
the
school
pass
Suggestion
passes
out students were more
health
conscious with
good mindset
Suggestion
a good mindset
in comparison to people in other fields which lack of involvement in regular based exercises. Overall, it can be concluded that giving more time to exercise during schooling can be
consider
Suggestion
considered
as best method according to some people and
also
release pressure over
health department
Suggestion
the health department
to solve diseases resulting by stoutness
.
Accept space
.
I
also
believe that providing
health
education during secondary education lead children in getting sound
body
and
mind
which allow them having
positive attitude
Suggestion
a positive attitude
toward
healthy lifestyle
Suggestion
a healthy lifestyle
healthy lifestyles
.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Try other services:

All the services are free for Premium users