IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows unemployment rates and average earnings according to level of education.

The graph shows unemployment rates and average earnings according to level of education.
#unemployment #rates #earnings #level #education
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given
graph's
Change the noun form
graphs
graph
show examples
 illustrate a comparative study regarding not only the proportion of jobless
people
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 their average earnings by education level in 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest percentage of jobless
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
had
Use synonyms
degree
Add an article
a degree
show examples
 of
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 school
diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
diplomas
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 they
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
earned
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 less amount of money.
However
Linking Words
, a graduate
degree
Use synonyms
holder
Use synonyms
 earned the highest
payment
Replace the word
paid
show examples
 with the least number of unemployment. As per the unemployment rate, the least proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 who had graduated
degree
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 jobless, that was 1.2
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a
college
Use synonyms
degree
Use synonyms
 and some
college
Use synonyms
degree
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
holder's
Change noun form
holders
show examples
 were unemployed, accounting for 2.50% and 4.20% respectively.
However
Linking Words
, 5.50% of high school diploma
Use synonyms
holder
Fix the agreement mistake
holders
show examples
 had the highest unemployment.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 earned 1,100 dollars who had a
college
Use synonyms
degree
Use synonyms
 and some
college
Use synonyms
degree
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
holder
Fix the agreement mistake
holders
show examples
 earned 675 dollars.
Besides
Linking Words
, the graduate
degree
Use synonyms
holder
Use synonyms
 earned the amount of money with $1,500.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less amount of money had been earned by high school diploma
Fix the agreement mistake
holders
show examples
holder
Use synonyms
, amounting to $600.
Submitted by bhavinidarji14 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, degree, holder, college with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: