The graph shows unemployment rates and average earnings according to level of education.

#unemployment #rates #earnings #level #education

The given

graph's

Change the noun form

graphs

graph

show examples

illustrate a comparative study regarding not only the proportion of jobless

people

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

their average earnings by education level in 2016.

Overall

, the highest percentage of jobless

people

who

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

had

degree

Add an article

a degree

show examples

high

Add an article

a high

show examples

school

diploma

Fix the agreement mistake

diplomas

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whereas

they

were

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

earned

very

Correct article usage

a very

show examples

less amount of money.

However

, a graduate

degree

holder

earned the highest

payment

Replace the word

paid

show examples

with the least number of unemployment. As per the unemployment rate, the least proportion of

people

who had graduated

degree

were

Change the verb form

was

show examples

jobless, that was 1.2

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

Furthermore

, a

college

degree

and some

college

degree

holder's

Change noun form

holders

show examples

were unemployed, accounting for 2.50% and 4.20% respectively.

However

, 5.50% of high school diploma

holder

Fix the agreement mistake

holders

show examples

had the highest unemployment.

On the other hand

people

earned 1,100 dollars who had a

college

degree

and some

college

degree

holder

Fix the agreement mistake

holders

show examples

earned 675 dollars.

Besides

, the graduate

degree

holder

earned the amount of money with $1,500.

In contrast

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

less amount of money had been earned by high school diploma

Fix the agreement mistake

holders

show examples

holder

, amounting to $600.

Submitted by bhavinidarji14 on Fri May 01 2020

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words people, degree, holder, college with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.

▼

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
16Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

162 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The graph shows unemployment rates and average earnings according to level of education.

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

The restoration of old buildings in major cities in the world costs numerous government's expenditure. This money should be used in new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In genergal, people do not have such a close relationship with their neighbours as they did in the past. Why is this so, and what can be done to improve contact between neighbours?

Some feel that governments should prioritize healthcare instead of other important areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some museums and art galleries charge admission fees, while others have free entry. Do you think the advantages of admission fees outweigh the disadvantages?