IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that arts, such as paintings and music, are a waste of money and the government should spend this money on other public services. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

#people #arts #paintings #music #waste #money #government #services
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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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today's world, everybody has a lot of workload in the day to day life. Apparently, some extra
activities
 like art and craft, will might play a positive role for all of us.
According to
 me, if the government is spending money on all of these programmes,
then
this
 will be a good decision and I have pretty much agreed with the notion. First and foremost,
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
, most of the persons
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a busy schedule
due to
 their work and job and most of them are unable to afford the visit
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
extra
activities
 for their rejuvenation. Now, if the government
will spend
Wrong verb form
spends
show examples
 money
over
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
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art and music centres
then
 it will be easy for
the
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apply
show examples
normal people to go there and explore. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 they will charge less as compared to public centres.
For example
, a number of people want to learn
such
 kind of skills, but
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 avoid
due to
 the lack of centres.
Secondly
, in
this
 competitive era, every student is running to compete with their classmates.
Due to
this
, sometimes, they
left
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 their talent behind them because of so much overburden of studies. As
the
Correct article usage
a
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 result, they feel depression and anxiety.
However
, if government tends to open
centre
Fix the agreement mistake
centres
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
show examples
activities
,
then
 every student will get a chance to go there and increase their inner strength and motivation. On the flip side, it is
also
 good to spend some amount
over
Change preposition
on
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 the public
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
, but leisure
activities
 are not worthless.
To conclude
, public services are
also
 equally mandatory for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, but we cannot avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
activities
due to
 the public services. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it will provide a work-life balance in everyone's life.

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Task Response
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of government spending on arts programs and their positive impact on society. Make sure to provide more specific examples to further support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Try to improve the transition between paragraphs for better coherence and cohesion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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