IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010
#show #household #expenditures #country
The 2 pie charts illustrate the average expenses in a country on household categories in the years 1950 and 2010.
Overall
, at the beginning of the
period
, a significant share of total expenses was spent on housing ,
however
, in comparison with the end of the
period
 it considerably decreased and was overtaken by
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
category
.
Conversely
,the expenditure on health care constituted the least in both periods. With regard to housing, in 1950 it accounted for just under three-quarters of total expenditure,
nevertheless
Add a comma
,nevertheless
show examples
 after over 6 decades the number experienced a more than threefold decrease to approximately a fifth,
however
,
on the contrary
, food comprised only 11.2% in 1950 and experienced a large increase up to 34% in 2010.
Likewise
,
transportation
Correct article usage
the transportation
show examples
category
 composed only 3.3% at the beginning and rose to less than a fifth In 2010.
On the other hand
, over the
period
 given
health care
Correct your spelling
healthcare
show examples
category
 constituted 2.4% at the beginning and almost doubled to one in twenty in 2010.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 education
category
 did not experience much of a difference in the
period
 given, only a mere 0.3% decrease from 6.6% to 6.3% Another point that should be highlighted is that the amount of money spent on other items was roughly one in twenty at the start,
nonetheless
Add a comma
,nonetheless
show examples
 in the
second
 year it rose to almost a fifth.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words period, category with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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