Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

These days, a great number of
people
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prefer
to
Verb problem
apply
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home remedies
instead
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of consulting their usual doctor.
While
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this
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development
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might be positive in some cases, personally I think that
this
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is a negative
development
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as individuals do not know much about
medicine
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,
such
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doctors
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as doctors
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. On the one hand,
while
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there might be many benefits of trying alternative
medicines
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and
treatments
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, one of the main benefits is that they can avoid
medicines
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which include chemicals. To clarify, most
doctors
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advise consuming chemical
medicines
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, which may be useful, but they can lead to some other problems in the near future,
such
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as antibiotics can increase the level of
immune
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the immune
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system.
As a result
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, more and more
people
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are trying alternative
medicines
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and
treatments
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.
In addition
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, citizens can save their money, because visits to
doctors
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cost
minimum
Correct article usage
a minimum
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of 50 dollars, so
people
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can just tell their health problems to AI and receive alternative
treatments
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, and it is
also
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free.
Thus
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, it could be a positive
development
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.
On the other hand
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, not following
doctors
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' advice can be a negative
development
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, because
people
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do not know much about
treatments
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such
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doctors
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. To be a doctor, they studied
6
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for 6
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years or even 10 years as well and during study they learn about their profession deeply. That's why, if
people
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try treatment or
medicine
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which is not from the doctor's advice, they might be ineffective or the wrong
medicine
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.
Therefore
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, for these reasons,
this
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is a negative
development
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. In conclusion,
although
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it has the benefits of trying complementary
medicine
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, I strongly believe
this
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is a negative
development
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because it can be ineffective.

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structure
Make the main idea in each paragraph easy to see in the first line and use clear topic sentences.
coherence
Use simple links to join ideas, such as 'and', 'but', 'also', and 'for example'.
content
Give more exact reasons and use real examples for each point.
accuracy
Check facts and avoid wrong claims about medicine.
task
End with a short restate of your view to close the essay.
language
Work on grammar and rhythm of sentences; read aloud to find small errors.
Task Response
You show a clear view that the topic is about the bad use of home remedies.
Coherence
There is a plan with intro, body parts and a conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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