IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

At the current moment, people are choosing self-treatment
instead
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 of a medical appointment. In my opinion,
this
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 is a negative
development
Use synonyms
 , as even if individuals have experience in
this
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 sphere, they still can harm themselves. On the first hand, consuming drugs can affect individuals positively, bringing some vital advances,
such
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 as holistic
development
Use synonyms
 in medical innovation. Learning more about
this
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 career can give a hand to people in future to know how to act in these situations where self-medication is relevant.
For instance
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,
this
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 way can help parents in future to prevent their children from getting ill, not to take them to a specialist and pay extra for analysing which kind of disease they have.
Therefore
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,
this
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 can bring some good personal opportunities in future
development
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
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, personal care plays a risky role in the treatment of individuals. People can harm themselves by choosing alternative options
instead
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 of asking a specialised doctor.
For instance
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, thinking that the disease is just an unusual illness, they can hurt the organism, because there is a percentage that
this
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 illness can be a life-threatening sickness,
such
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 as cancer, heart stroke or chronic respiratory diseases, diabetes or even worse.
Moreover
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,
this
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 can have a negative impact on financial status in order to treat oneself from an already damaging condition. In conclusion,
while
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 the shift toward self-treatment offers benefits
such
Linking Words
 as increased medical literacy and short-term financial savings, it remains a predominantly negative
development
Use synonyms
. The risk of mismanaging a "life-costing" sickness like heart disease or cancer far outweighs the convenience of avoiding a doctor’s fee.

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task response
Keep one clear view. Do not mix two main sides in the body. Say your stance in the intro and stay with it.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words. Use clear signs like First, Then, Finally to show flow.
coherence
Give one main reason per paragraph and add a small real example to back it.
grammar
Fix grammar. Use short, clean sentences. Watch comma use and long, run on lines.
lexical
Use easy words. Do not use big or odd words. Be direct and plain.
task response
The writer shows a view in the intro and in the end.
coherence
There is a try to show two sides and some link words.
task response
The text has a real idea and some example use.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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