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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the number of male and female people arrested by type of offence

The bar chart shows the number of male and female people arrested by type of offence
The provided chart illustrates information about the number of people who visited
art
Use synonyms
 galleries in 6 different countries in 2011, measured in millions. It is clear when looking at the graph that the vast majority of
visitors
Use synonyms
 to
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 Louvre
art
Use synonyms
 gallery in France,
whereas
Linking Words
 the figure of people who attended
State
Correct article usage
the State
show examples
 Hermitage
museum
Use synonyms
 in
Rusial
Correct your spelling
Russia
 is the least.
According to
Linking Words
 the bar chart,
Louvre
Correct article usage
the Louvre
show examples
art
Use synonyms
 gallery of France had the most attendance, reaching a level of just under 9
million
Use synonyms
.As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is shown, Metropolitan
Museum
Use synonyms
 (USA) and British
Museum
Use synonyms
 (UK)
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 ranked
second
Linking Words
 and
third
Linking Words
 with nearly the same number of
visitors
Use synonyms
, roundly 6
million
Use synonyms
 and 5,9
million
Use synonyms
 respectively.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, The figure
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 who come to
art
Use synonyms
 galleries in Korea, Spain, Rusial are low compared to that of
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 remaining countries. Generally speaking, the National
Museum
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 destination with a small statistic of
visitors
Use synonyms
, just above 3
million
Use synonyms
.A similar number of
visitors
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Museo del Prado and State Hemitage attended in 2011, with
one
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
third
Linking Words
 compared to the statistic of
Louvre
Correct article usage
the Louvre
show examples
art
Use synonyms
 gallery of France.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "third".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words art, visitors, museum, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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