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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some believe that a country’s success is measured by its economic growth, while others believe that there are more important factors. Do you agree or disagree?

#believe #country’s #success #growth #factors
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The developed
country
Use synonyms
 depends on economic
growth
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. In fact, I personally agree with those who feel that economic
growth
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 has a significant effect on developed countries.
Firstly
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, economic
growth
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 in a
country
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 has positive impacts on
people
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's welfare.
For example
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, countries which have increased economic
growth
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,
such
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 as Japan and the United States are capable of giving sufficient amenities
such
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 as hospitals, schools, universities, and airports, to their folks. It is well known that
facilities
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such
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 as better health insurance, education and benefits come from revenue in a
country
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. So, with sufficient
facilities
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,
people
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 in a
country
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 will feel happy and safe.
Therefore
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, economic
growth
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 has a significant role, so that the government can plan
facilities
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 which appropriate to their
people
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's needs.
Secondly
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, economic
growth
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 leads to enhanced
development
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 in a
country
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. It is well known that today's developed
country
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 capable of enhancing their
development
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 regularly, with the
aiming
Replace the word
aim
show examples
 to meet their
people
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's needs.
For instance
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, Japan and China are continuing to improve their public transportation
such
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 as the construction of high-speed train lines to make the public transportation in Japan and China comfortable. So, the better economic
growth
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 in a
country
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, the greater the
development
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 of
facilities
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 in that
country
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 to meet their
people
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's needs.
Therefore
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, economic
growth
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 is really needed to enhance
development
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 and
facilities
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 in a
country
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. In conclusion, economic
growth
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 has a significant role in ensuring prosperity for its
people
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 and
capable
Add a missing verb
is capable
show examples
 of enhancing
facilities
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 in a
country
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. I,
therefore
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, remain firmly convinced that economic
growth
Use synonyms
 has a significant effect on developed countries.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Add more viewpoints regarding non-economic factors for a balanced discussion, even if you agree with the economic growth perspective.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance overall flow.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance with supporting examples.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas which enhances readability.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion clearly outline and summarize the main argument.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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