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Writing Samples
Band 7

The bar chart provides information about how many visitors who came to art galleries in six different countries in 2011

The bar chart provides information about how many visitors who came to art galleries in six different countries in 2011
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The bar chart shows how many people visited art galleries in 6 countries around the world in 2011. In general, the data can be divided into 2 groups: one with
rather
Change the article
rather a
a rather
show examples
 high number of visitors includes museums
of
Change preposition
in
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 France, the USA and the UK
while
Linking Words
 the other contains countries which have modest statistics. As can be clearly seen from the chart, the people visiting
Louvre
Correct article usage
the Louvre
show examples
museum
Use synonyms
 made up the vast majority of visitors with just under 9
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
. The
second
Linking Words
 most destination was Metropolitan in America with 6 million and it was followed closely by British
Museum
Use synonyms
 in the UK.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 numbers of Korea, Spain and Russia were quite humble. Far fewer people, roughly 1/3 the counts of France, came to visit
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
Museum
Use synonyms
 of Korea.
Similarly
Linking Words
, Museo del Prado
Museum
Use synonyms
 in Spain had
even
Add an article
an even
show examples
 smaller number of tourists with 3 million and the least popular place was State Hermitage
Museum
Use synonyms
 in Russia with slightly below 3 million.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words museum with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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