IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people claim that tourism can help to bridge cultural gaps between peoples of different nationalities and cultures. Do you agree or disagree?

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Tourism
Use synonyms
has
Verb problem
is
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 no longer
been
Verb problem
apply
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a new but not an outdated issue that the government should take more action to promote and share the image of each nation. There are many answers
for
Change preposition
to
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 the debate on the topic of whether
this
Linking Words
 field of service industry can fill the gap in the
cultures
Use synonyms
 of many different countries. From my subjective point of view, I do not think that
this
Linking Words
 opinion is possible and
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss my standpoint. First of all, mass tourists
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
usually do not pay attention to the culture of the nation that they visit. Normally, when a tourist is back from a vacation, he or she wishes to tell others and tend to make it up about what he or she has experienced.
For example
Linking Words
, people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
come to Tokyo mainly because they think that it is the capital of Japan.
This
Linking Words
 will not only not fill the gap in
cultures
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
 spread the wrong facts about one country.
In addition
Linking Words
, tourists
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 go for short vacations often go on tour with a tour guide and cannot be proactive
to decide
Change preposition
in deciding
show examples
 what to do or where to go. They mostly pay attention to what they are able to experience like food, popular destinations, events, or clothes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, when tourists back to their country, their impression may just be wrapped in what everyone has known without going to the place,
their
Correct word choice
and their
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 memory
about
Change preposition
of
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 the culture of the nation will be very little or even nothing.
Although
Linking Words
 short vacations can not lead to filling the cultural
gaps
Use synonyms
,
long- term
Correct your spelling
long-term
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 journey can. Kinds of travel like exchange students,
permanently
Correct word choice
and permanently
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 abroad business can help us to have time
learning
Change the verb form
to learn
show examples
 about the customs of other nationalities.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 type of
tourism
Use synonyms
 has not been popularized yet. Businessmen often focus on their work, learning the
cultures
Use synonyms
 of where they come
as
Change preposition
from as
show examples
 a lesson
not
Add the comma(s)
, not
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 an experience. The part that can be able to bridge the
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
gaps
Use synonyms
 is overseas students who have to cope with cultural shock when going to another country and take it as an interesting experience.
Thus
Linking Words
, there are still a lot of troubles in linking the
gaps
Use synonyms
 between peoples of different nationalities by developing
tourism
Use synonyms
. In the final analysis, I am in favour of the opinion that
tourism
Use synonyms
 can not fill the
gaps
Use synonyms
 between peoples of different countries and
cultures
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there are still ways to bridge the distance of differences in the regions.

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coherence
Improve the logical flow of ideas between paragraphs to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments and make them clearer.
both
Use more varied vocabulary to articulate your ideas more effectively.
coherence
Clarify some sentences for better understanding and avoid ambiguity.
task achievement
You have a clear stance on the issue, which is vital for a solid argument.
coherence
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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