IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that government should decide which subject should students’ study at the University while others believe that students should be allowed to apply for subjects they prefer. Discuss both views.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The majority of society opines that lawmakers ought to decide what subjects students should pursue in university,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 others view that learners should be allowed to enrol in the classes they like. Letting the government decide the area of
study
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 would reduce the unemployment crisis and if pupils decide themselves, it would lead to better grades in their profile. The primary reason for letting the government decide the subjects that should be taught would reduce the occupational-based demands. After completing the course of their choice, the learners are still unable to find a white-collar job simply because there is a lot of competition among people regarding that post. If the administration, chooses the career of a child, it would help to reduce the unbalanced worker demand. The fact that many years ahead, many students opted to
study
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 accounting,
conversely
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the demand for accountants decreased after the invention of cutting–edge accounting machines.
Not to mention
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some essential sectors like agriculture are short of expertise.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, choosing an area of expertise by oneself yields better marks on tests. The people know what courses are best for them and if they opt for that they will
study
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

 with full attention and as a result, they
would
Wrong verb form
will

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb would. Consider changing it.

show examples
 become
Add an article
a scholar

The noun phrase scholar seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
scholar
Fix the agreement mistake
scholars

It seems that scholar may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
 in the area of the subject.
Additionally
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they are responsible for their choices and would be more motivated during the completion of the course. The famous scientist Issac Newton had a keen interest in science, if, during his learning age, he had opted for accounts, maybe he would not be as successful and famous as he is now.
To conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, to balance job expertise and demand, the government ought to decide the courses suitable for growing ones.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if one is sure that they would do excellent in their
study
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, they should prefer the subject of their choice as
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 would result in satisfaction as per grades.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and follows a logical sequence. Expand on your ideas with specific details to fully develop your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt, but some ideas are underdeveloped. Make sure you expand on your points and provide thorough explanations and examples for both sides of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • mandatory subjects
  • skills gap
  • educational choices
  • innovation
  • job satisfaction
  • personal growth
  • diverse workforce
  • versatile workforce
  • well-rounded education
  • career opportunities
  • academic performance
  • personal choice
  • deeper engagement
  • high-demand fields
  • stifle creativity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: