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the chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began.summarize the information by selecting and reporting on the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

the chart and graph below give information about participants who have entered the Olympics since it began.summarize the information by selecting and reporting on the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
A glance at the following bar chart reveals data about the sum of male and female
participants
Use synonyms
 in the
Olympics
Use synonyms
 in four different years.
In
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
,contrast
show examples
 the line graph illustrates the total of
participants
Use synonyms
 in these years.
Overall
Linking Words
 looking at the bar chart depicts an increase in the portion of
participants
Use synonyms
 in the
Olympics
Use synonyms
. In the first
year
Add a comma
,year
show examples
 women roughly attended
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Olympics
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the majority of
participants
Use synonyms
 were men. Significantly, in 2012 women got
much
Correct article usage
a much
show examples
 more number of
athletes
Use synonyms
 attending
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Olympics
Use synonyms
 by
then
Linking Words
. The line graph
on the other hand
Linking Words
 shows a dramatic climb in the number of
athletes
Use synonyms
 during these four years of taking place
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
Olympics
Use synonyms
. In 1924 just 3000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
athletes
Use synonyms
 were in the
Olympics
Use synonyms
 whilst more than 10000
athletes
Use synonyms
 participated in 2012. To summarize the total number of attendants in
Use synonyms
Olympics
Correct article usage
the Olympics
show examples
 rose from 1924 to 2012 and women specifically had a remarkable change in
this
Linking Words
 statistic from almost 100 people in 1924 to
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 5000 participation in 2012.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words participants, olympics, athletes with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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