IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries govrnments are investing in new technology to deal with the public why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

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In the digital era,the public is being invested by the government in technology,
thus
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 wanting to attract the invest from other countries.The author believes
that is
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 a positive phenomenon
due to
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 protecting the information and contact with the
customers
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 easily. It must be understood that the security of the Internet and the security of an account is so crucial.It means users who want to protect their private advice, must use some apps or software to deal with it.
Therefore
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, investing in machinery and growing applications which prevent and protect information and secret files are so crucial for the business.
For instance
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,many companies buy or invest large amounts of money in software to prevent the interrupt from viruses or hackers. Another reason the government should spend a large of money on new automation is to contact the business easily.
In other words
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,agents must know many things about networking because nowadays,the problem citizens want to know about is social media.
Consequently
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,easy to fit in with
customers
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 and give many introductions about our products .
For example
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,a staff who
always
Add a missing verb
is always
show examples
 online on the Internet and updates new trends or
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
show examples
 is easy to come across with the opportunity from the
customers
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 in other to get the trust of the population. From my point of view,I think
this
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 is a positive view to make our country more developed.
Moreover
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,easy to attract the invest from other countries like the USA,Canada and so on.
Therefore
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,it has a big positive impact on the development of our country
as well as
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 the world. In conclusion, investing in technology is the best way to lead the country to the first economic position.
This
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 will help folk protect the information in other to get up with the
customers
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 easily.

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Structure
Try to clearly structure your essay with distinct paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion. Each body paragraph should center around a single main idea.
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Use a range of cohesive devices (e.g., conjunctions, pronouns, transitions) effectively to achieve better flow and clarity throughout your essay.
Clarity
Aim for clarity in expressing your ideas. Short, straightforward sentences are often more effective than longer, complex ones.
Supporting Examples
Provide more specific examples to effectively support your arguments. Examples help illustrate your points and make your essay more convincing.
Grammar and Spelling
Check your work for minor spelling and grammar mistakes, as they can distract from your overall message. However, the essence of your arguments is clear and understandable.
Task Response
You effectively addressed both parts of the question, providing reasons for the phenomenon and your opinion on the government investment in technology.
Relevance
Your essay presents relevant arguments on the importance of technology investments for security and business communication purposes.
Conclusion
The conclusion summarizes your main points well, reinforcing your stance on the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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