IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Despite a variety of sport facilities and gyms, people are less fit nowadays than ever before. What do you think are the main causes of this problem? What solutions can you suggest?

#variety #sport #facilities #gyms #people
Today, life has never been as comfortable and convenient compared to the previous periods.
Although
 numerous
fitness
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centres
 and sport facilities have been built to encourage people to get fit and live
healthily
Suggestion
healthy
, the result is proven to be
otherwise
.
This
 essay will point out what causes
this
 phenomenon and offer different methods to tackle it. Health
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centres
 and gyms appear everywhere, some even advertise their venues on television and social media, yet there are still a large proportion of people having health problems. It is likely because of the distraction technology, especially gadgets
such
 as tablets, mobile phones. People would rather spend hours on the Internet or playing video games than walking to a local
fitness
center
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centre
. The Internet is so addictive that it is impossible for some to not check their e-mails or notifications in a span of minutes, let alone
exercising
Suggestion
exercise
.
Furthermore
, the cost of membership of a gym can be over people's budget. Most of the
fitness
centers
an area that is approximately central within some larger region
centres
 are equipped with state-of-the-art training equipment and
decorating interior
Accept comma addition
decorating, interior
, the fee of joining one is expected to be exorbitant.
Instead
 of spending a large amount of money on a membership, people would rather use them for other useful purposes. Without exercising, the
public's
Suggestion
public
 health issues can deteriorate quickly and become epidemics;
however
, there are several solutions that can encourage the people to be more active in putting off weight. While the Internet is a major distraction, it can
also
 be used to make people more fit. If they do not want to hit the gym,
then
 they can exercise at home, throughout online
fitness
 courses.
For instance
, on YouTube alone, there are dozens of videos instructing people to exercise properly. As for the sport facilities, by adding a variety of special events for members and offering discounts to newcomers, they can attract a handful of potential customers. In the end,
fitness
 has always been a major concern of a majority of people for decades, yet they are reluctant to go to a sport facility. But there are
few simple methods
Suggestion
a few simple methods
 to keep the general public
healthy
Suggestion
health
 as well as the gyms fully occupied.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: