IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Using smartphone is harmful for the eye. How far do you agree ?

#smartphone #eye
Nowadays, the majority of young people have their own telephone with access to the internet.
Although
 using these devices are harmful to their eye health, these consequences can be prevented by sparing schedule for using and smart phones can assist teenagers in their studies. Teenagers who are using telephones without any restriction can suffer from eyesight problems.
This
 is because, screen of the telephones produces a lot of electro-magnetic waves in order to show the picture to the user.After 1 or 2 hours per day these waves can cause stress to the eye health.
Consequently
 adolescents could lower their ability to see.
For example
, due to the research from WHO eyesight problems among the recent teenagers have increased compared to the past generation and these changes happened because of the development of mobile phones.
However
, these problems could be avoided by allowing for young people to use smart phones for a restricted time period. Teenagers can use their telephones in their study as an access to the data sources.They can quickly search for required information
instead
 of going to the library and trying to find that data from the books.
For example
, students can use Wikipedia in order to find necessary information and
this
 website known for its wide database.I believe that
this
 makes over-consumption of smart phones advantage and they should only be used in moderation. In conclusion, while mobile phones can harm the teenager's eye health, I believe they can benefit from these devices by using them sparingly and for study purposes
such
 as searching information on the internet.
Submitted by jaydeep.mca2012 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: