It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks overweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, the population witnesses
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
significant increase in
Correct article usage
the quantifity
show examples
quantifity
Correct your spelling
quantity
of developed
countries
all over the world. Despite
this
fact, there are
numerious
Correct your spelling
numerous
countries
where people experience a poor quality of their lives.
Thus
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
certain rich
countries
are available to provide
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
special
supporting
Replace the word
support
show examples
to the
countries
where people
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
suffering from rising poverty. In that case, I believe that the
countries
which
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
economic condition is not stable, need not only financial
support
, but
also
help in
alternative
Correct article usage
an alternative
show examples
way,
such
as
agriculture
and
Correct article usage
the implemention
show examples
implemention
Correct your spelling
implementation
oof
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
foreign
medicine
. First of all, the financial
support
from successful
countries
is not
beneficial
Correct article usage
a beneficial
show examples
way to save other nations from poverty. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
agriculture
support
leads
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
great deal larger profits than money that can be used imperfectly for good purposes. What is more, finance
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
a
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
distribution. Meanwhile, the developed states can import
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unique types of plants and
cattles
Correct your spelling
cattle
castles
for improvements in
area
Correct article usage
the area
show examples
of
agriculture
. For
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
,
according to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
recent publication in Forbes magazine , The USA has sent six large trucks with new technologies for
cultivation
Correct article usage
the cultivation
show examples
a
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
new sorts of American cotton in remote areas in
continent
Correct article usage
the continent
show examples
of Africa. Focusing on modern
medicine
, there is a deficit of
high-qualified
Correct your spelling
highly qualified
show examples
medical
profeccionals
Correct your spelling
professionals
in poor areas of the Earth.
Therefore
,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
numerous graduated students from different academies of
medicine
travel to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries
where medical aid is poorly developed in order to gain professional experience.
For example
,
World
Correct article usage
the World
show examples
Health Organization sends the best candidates in
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
sphere to
African's
Change noun form
African
show examples
states every year.
Above all
, there is a great number of doctors who prefer volunteering in various
countries
. In conclusion, the financial
support
from different developed
countries
does not solve the problem of poverty in certain areas of the World.
Hense
Correct your spelling
Hence
show examples
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
claim that help in
agriculture
and
area
Correct article usage
the area
show examples
of
medicine
can be more profitable than help in
form
Correct article usage
the form
show examples
of money.
Submitted by raxdiana4 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Be sure to clearly address the prompt by discussing specifically how the advantages of taking risks might outweigh the disadvantages. Your essay seems to focus on a different topic related to financial support vs. other forms of support for developing countries, which does not respond to the given prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each body paragraph should contain a main idea followed by supporting details. Your essay's organization can be improved by distinguishing these sections more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. While you provide some examples, ensure they directly support the main argument and that they're thoroughly explained and tied back to your thesis.
task response
Revise your essay for grammatical accuracy and clarity of expression. Consider reviewing basic grammar rules and sentence structure to enhance the readability of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: