IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks overweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives #overweigh
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Nowadays, the population witnesses
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 significant increase in
Correct article usage
the quantifity
show examples
quantifity
Correct your spelling
quantity
 of developed
countries
Use synonyms
 all over the world. Despite
this
Linking Words
 fact, there are
numerious
Correct your spelling
numerous
countries
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 where people experience a poor quality of their lives.
Thus
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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certain rich
countries
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 are available to provide
a
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apply
show examples
special
supporting
Replace the word
support
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 to the
countries
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 where people
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 suffering from rising poverty. In that case, I believe that the
countries
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which
Correct pronoun usage
whose
show examples
 economic condition is not stable, need not only financial
support
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 , but
also
Linking Words
 help in
alternative
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an alternative
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 way,
such
Linking Words
 as
agriculture
Use synonyms
 and
Correct article usage
the implemention
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implemention
Correct your spelling
implementation
oof
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 foreign
medicine
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. First of all, the financial
support
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 from successful
countries
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 is not
beneficial
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a beneficial
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 way to save other nations from poverty. In
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
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,
the
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apply
show examples
agriculture
Use synonyms
support
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 leads
a
Change preposition
to a
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great deal larger profits than money that can be used imperfectly for good purposes. What is more, finance
need
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needs
show examples
 a
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 distribution. Meanwhile, the developed states can import
an
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apply
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unique types of plants and
cattles
Correct your spelling
cattle
castles
 for improvements in
area
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the area
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 of
agriculture
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. For
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
,
according to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 recent publication in Forbes magazine , The USA has sent six large trucks with new technologies for
cultivation
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the cultivation
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a
Correct your spelling
of
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 new sorts of American cotton in remote areas in
continent
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the continent
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 of Africa. Focusing on modern
medicine
Use synonyms
, there is a deficit of
high-qualified
Correct your spelling
highly qualified
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 medical
profeccionals
Correct your spelling
professionals
 in poor areas of the Earth.
Therefore
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,
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
numerous graduated students from different academies of
medicine
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 travel to
the
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apply
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 where medical aid is poorly developed in order to gain professional experience.
For example
Linking Words
,
World
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the World
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 Health Organization sends the best candidates in
medical
Add an article
the medical
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 sphere to
African's
Change noun form
African
show examples
 states every year.
Above all
Linking Words
, there is a great number of doctors who prefer volunteering in various
countries
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the financial
support
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 from different developed
countries
Use synonyms
 does not solve the problem of poverty in certain areas of the World.
Hense
Correct your spelling
Hence
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,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 claim that help in
agriculture
Use synonyms
 and
area
Correct article usage
the area
show examples
 of
medicine
Use synonyms
 can be more profitable than help in
form
Correct article usage
the form
show examples
 of money.
Submitted by raxdiana4 on

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task response
Be sure to clearly address the prompt by discussing specifically how the advantages of taking risks might outweigh the disadvantages. Your essay seems to focus on a different topic related to financial support vs. other forms of support for developing countries, which does not respond to the given prompt.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each body paragraph should contain a main idea followed by supporting details. Your essay's organization can be improved by distinguishing these sections more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples or evidence. While you provide some examples, ensure they directly support the main argument and that they're thoroughly explained and tied back to your thesis.
task response
Revise your essay for grammatical accuracy and clarity of expression. Consider reviewing basic grammar rules and sentence structure to enhance the readability of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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