The chart below shows the results of a survey of people who visited four types of tourist attraction in Britain in 1999.

The chart below shows the results of a survey of people who visited four types of tourist attraction in Britain in 1999.
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The pie chart illustrates the percentage of the people who visit tourist centres, including wildlife
parks
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, historic houses and monuments,
museum
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museums
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and galleries, and theme
parks
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by
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apply
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respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
,
in
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apply
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the near table demonstrates five distinctive tourist attractions where are in the theme park hosted by the visitors.
Overall
Linking Words
, wildlife
parks
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and zoos had just 9 %
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of nationally
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nationally
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national
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tourists in 1999 in the United Kingdom. By 7%
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
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, travellers
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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preferred to see historic houses and monuments. Meanwhile, they
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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spent their spare time in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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museums and galleries 37
percentages
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per cent
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of whole visitors. The most popular place was the theme
Use synonyms
parks
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park
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concepts, particularly almost half of
tourists
Correct article usage
the tourists
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had
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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used
blackpool
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Blackpool
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pleasure beach. Other facilities
in
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apply
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there,
alton
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Alton
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towers and
pleasuland
Correct your spelling
pleasant
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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been visited
nearly
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at nearly
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same
Correct article usage
the same
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rate (17% and 16%).
Also
Linking Words
, chessington world of adventures and
legoland
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Legoland
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,
windsor
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Windsor
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had exactly same the number of individuals which is 10 people out of 100.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
Vocabulary: Replace the words parks with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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