The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with the problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In
this
day and
ages
Suggestion
age
, obesity is counted as the number one treat for human being health and in some
patient’s
Suggestion
Patient’s
cause of death. There has been much discussion revolving around the issue whether
introducing
Suggestion
Introducing
more
sport
activity lessons in the school programs could be and effective way to control
this
problem
Suggestion
Problem
. I agree that
this
task plays a key role
for
Suggestion
in
any individual’s health. Undoubtedly, one beneficial way to control overweight problem is doing
sport
Suggestion
the sport
. Adding more physical
education
Suggestion
Education
lessons to student curriculum at schools lead to get used to it as
daily routine
Suggestion
a daily routine
,
so n
Suggestion
so in
son
so on
so and
their
whole
Suggestion
Whole
life people cannot turn a blind eye to
sport
and
.
Accept space
.
According to University of England (UOE) annual
survey
Suggestion
A survey
Survey
in 2020, approximately 90% of people who are slim at their mid age, had routine
sport
programs
in
Suggestion
In
their school time.
Therefore it
Accept comma addition
Therefore, it
is well worth to prevent fatness in adulthood by including more
sport
education
Suggestion
Education
in youth.
Furthermore
, another reason that we need to take into consideration is that doing
sport
is associated
with
Suggestion
With
healthy diet. Educating students with more and more physical lessons, will give them the
opportunity
Suggestion
Opportunity
and ability to maintain a
healthy balanced
Accept comma addition
healthy, balanced
diet. Mr. Ali Smith, an expert
consulter
get or ask advice from
consulted
consumer
revealed
that
Suggestion
That
any individual who are gained
sport
Accept comma addition
sport, education
education
hardly ever eat
Suggestion
hardly ever eats
junk foods.
Thus
, to avoid getting fat,
it
Suggestion
It
is necessary to learn how to eat healthy. To sum up I am of the mind that more physical
activity
Accept comma addition
activity, education
education
in schools, more health it will bring to
people’s
Suggestion
People’s
lives in
future
Suggestion
the future
by getting used to do
sport
in whole life and eating healthy foods.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Try other services:

All the services are free for Premium users