IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that parent should teach children how to be good member of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #parent #children #member #society #school #place
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is undeniable that many people in society think that they should teach their children to be
good
Suggestion
a good world citizen
world
Use synonyms
 citizen.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, some people think that the
school
Use synonyms
 should be the place that the children can learn how to be
good
Suggestion
a good person
good people
person
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, I strongly believe that it should be both parent and
school
Use synonyms
 duty to look after the children to be a good
person
Use synonyms
. In fact, parents can teach their children at home about the fundamental courtesy for living with other people.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they can use the knowledge and information that their parents have taught them in the real
world
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
gurdians
a person who cares for persons or property
guardians
gardens
Jordans
 are the
person
Use synonyms
 who
know
Suggestion
knows
 their child well. They must know their
kids
Suggestion
kids'
 problems and know the best way to adjust them.
However
Linking Words
, the children still have to learn how to live with other people peacefully
in
Suggestion
with
 the real situation.
School
Use synonyms
 is the best to practice
this
Linking Words
. In
additon
a component that is added to something to improve it
addition
, friends and teachers are the people that can help them to get through
this
Linking Words
 situation. They have to adapt themselves with
new place
Suggestion
the new place
new places
a new place
 and people. They have to change some of their
personality
Suggestion
personalities
 that will affect the society in
bad way
Suggestion
a bad way
the bad way
. They have to be the better
person
Use synonyms
 to live in the society happily. In conclusion, Children need help from both
school
Use synonyms
 and their family to teach them to survive in the
world
Use synonyms
 safely and happily. The family should be the smallest unit to teach them the basic things and the
school
Use synonyms
 should be the
saftiest
free from danger or the risk of harm
safest
 place for them to change their
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
 to live with others. I believe that if the children have taught by their
parent
Suggestion
parents
 and teachers, they would be the
person
Use synonyms
 that can survive in the
world
Use synonyms
 with peace.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: