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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two pie charts compare the different sources on which children charity in the USA had spend and received money in the year 2016.

The two pie charts compare the different sources on which children charity in the USA had spend and received money in the year 2016.
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The two pie charts compare the different sources on which
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
charity
Fix the agreement mistake
charities
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 in the USA had
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
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 and received
money
Add an article
the money
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 in the year 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most
revenue
Use synonyms
 earned by the
organsiation
Correct your spelling
organisation
 came from the food that was donated to them followed by
this
Linking Words
 was the one received from contributions from the community.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the spending was mostly on the program services.
According to
Linking Words
 the data, food donations accumulated the major percentage of the total
revenue
Use synonyms
 generated, accounting
to
Change preposition
for
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 86.6%. Followed by
this
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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community contributions
was
Change the verb form
were
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 the
second
Linking Words
 most
Use synonyms
revenue generating
Add a hyphen
revenue-generating
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 activity contributing 10.4% which is 8 times less
from
Change preposition
than
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 the earnings made from donated food.
Revenue
Use synonyms
 from programs, investments, government grants and other income sources were significantly small contributors which accumulated to only 3
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 of the total. The
expenses
Use synonyms
 of the USA charity in 2016 were mostly toward the program services the percentage of which was
solid
Correct article usage
a solid
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 95.8%. Fundraising, management and general
expenses
Use synonyms
 were the other
expenses
Use synonyms
 incurred by the
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 charity where they spend 2.6% on fundraisers the spending on management and general
expenses
Use synonyms
 stood at 1.6%.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words revenue, expenses with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compare" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • charitable organization
  • non-profit sector
  • financial allocation
  • philanthropy
  • government subsidies
  • individual contributors
  • fundraising activities
  • expenditure breakdown
  • financial transparency
  • budgetary constraints
  • donor base
  • revenue streams
  • fiscal responsibility
  • overheads
  • sustainability
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