IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people believe that children's leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

#people #children #leisure #activities #waste #time
In
this
 contemporary epoch, providing high-quality education to their offspring has become an important
life
 goal for most guardians. A certain number of folks believe that children should indulge in only
such
leisure
activities
 that provide them with some academic knowledge as well
while
 critics do not agree with the above notion and say that entertainment and sports
activities
also
 play a relentlessly necessary role in scholars’
life
. I do not agree with
this
 notion that only educational
activities
 should be part of
school
Correct article usage
a school
show examples
 student’s
life
.
To begin
 with, the most prominent reason is the high level of academic pressure that children need to tolerate has a large number of disruptive effects not only on their bodies but
also
 on their minds. Adults go to tuition
as well as
 a school to study, during their free time when they are given games like abacas or atlases
then
 it might affect their minds adversely as these both are study games. They may probably feel overburdened with studies having a harmful effect on their mind.
Furthermore
, it is not true
if
Correct word choice
that
show examples
leisure
activities
 are not educational, they are a waste of time along energy because indulging in outdoor sports
such
 as basketball, football, or hockey helps youngsters develop their physical stamina.
Therefore
, I totally agree that it is necessary for juveniles to enjoy their
life
, it is not vital that all actions should be educational only because taking care of mind and body is as important as scoring good marks. If a kid has a healthy mind and body
then
 only it is possible for them to concentrate on any other things. Meanwhile, some
leisure
activities
 can be used to render academic knowledge to some weak learners as they are not able to understand the logic of study directly,
therefore
 some playful methods can be added to make their future bright.
To conclude
, as per the matrimonial mentioned, everything has its own importance in a student's
life
. Books and
leisure
activities
 both have equal importance.
Thus
, emerging them together might have some negative effects on the health of children.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the natural flow of your essay. This will help with the overall coherence and cohesion. For example, words like "Moreover," "Additionally," and "On the contrary," can help transition between points more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring that each paragraph clearly supports and develops a single main idea. This will help the reader follow the argument and enhance overall coherence.
task achievement
Include more relevant examples to support your points. For instance, mentioning a specific study or expert opinion could strengthen your argument and improve task achievement.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop each main point with clear, comprehensive ideas. Aim to provide deeper analysis and reasoning for each of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps outline your point of view and sum up your argument effectively.
task achievement
You managed to address the main point of the prompt—whether children’s leisure activities should be educational or not—providing a clear stance and explanation.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: