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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some teachers think that international student exchange programs would be beneficial for all teenage school students. Do you think its advantages will outweigh the disadvantages?

Some people argue that participating in international student
exchange
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programs
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 would bring benefits to
students
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. In my opinion,
although
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 a program can be disadvantageous to
students
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 to a certain extent, I believe that the advantages are still more significant
To begin
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 with, the biggest difficulties for
students
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 to attend
exchange
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programs
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 are the financial burden on their families. More specifically, there are
students
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 with parents whose income is at a low or average level who may struggle to cover tuition fees.
In addition
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,
this
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 program would not receive the medical coverage like the local people. To make worse, if
students
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 get a serious health problem through an educational
exchange
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 program, it will cost their family a fortune to cover the cost of healthcare services and medications in a foreign
country
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.
However
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, there are numerous benefits that can be gained from international student
exchange
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.
Firstly
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, studying abroad allows
students
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 to significantly improve their foreign language skills.
For instance
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, when studying in a new
country
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, they can meet local people where they can speak and gain new knowledge about slang, accents, and
pronunciations
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pronunciation
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.
Furthermore
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, staying in a foreign
country
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 develops adaptability, confidence, and problem-solving skills
while
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 living away from home.
Also
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, they can experience new cultures and traditions, which encourage tolerance, acceptance, and global perspectives.
Although
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,
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apply
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 studying abroad can be costly, all international
students
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 have equal opportunities to apply for scholarships and financial aid from the host
country
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 to ease
such
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 financial burdens. In conclusion, though financial problems may cause some difficulties for
students
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 and their families, when participating in
exchange
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programs
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, the positive effects that
such
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programs
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 bring to
students
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 are well worth the cost

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development
Add more clear examples to back up each claim, e.g., a real student story or data.
language
Fix small grammar and word use mistakes; use simple, clear sentences.
coherence
Make the link between ideas stronger with linking phrases and signposts.
structure
End with a stronger conclusion that restates your view and sums main points.
content
Try to balance the view on costs and benefits more evenly, and explain how scholarships help.
clarity
Clear position and easy to follow flow
coherence
Good use of signposts like 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'Also'
balance
Discusses both sides and gives a conclusion
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