In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the cause of these problem and what measures could be taken to solve them ?

In recent years, the topic of
people
Use synonyms
gaining more weight and having lower levels of health and fitness has undeniably become a critical issue for the general public.
While
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some individuals argue that
this
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is a natural result of modern life, I firmly assert that these problems can be reduced with the right actions.
This
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essay will provide a thorough examination of these contrasting perspectives. On the one hand, it is essential to recognise that individuals should acknowledge the significant advantages associated with reason for weight gain and poor health. A crucial consideration is that many
people
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have a sedentary lifestyle, which highlights that they spend most of their day sitting at work or using phones and computers.
For example
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, it is noteworthy that office workers and students often sit for many hours without doing any physical activity.
In addition
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, another important point to emphasise is the habit of eating unhealthy food.
This
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is
due to
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the fact that fast food and sugary drinks are cheap, tasty, and easy to buy, so
people
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choose them
instead
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of healthy meals.
On the other hand
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, it is crucial to consider the opposing viewpoint that these problems can be solved with practical steps. A significant factor to explore is that governments can provide more sports facilities and public parks, which underscores that
people
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will have more chances to exercise. To illustrate
this
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perspective, one might refer to free outdoor gyms in some cities that attract many local residents.
Furthermore
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, it is essential to highlight that health education is important.
This
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assertion is supported by the fact that when
people
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understand the risks of obesity and learn about healthy eating, they are more likely to change their habits. In conclusion,
people
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should have
further
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consideration of
this
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issue. In my opinion, they should adopt some ways to stay healthy,
such
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as exercising regularly, eating balanced meals, and joining community activities.

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Task response
Be clear on your view from the first line and keep it. Speak more on the cause and the fix in a balanced way. Add more facts or numbers to back up ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each idea fit one paragraph. Start with a simple topic sentence. Use easy link words to show order, like first, next, also, but, for example. Keep a clean flow between ideas.
Task response
Give more real examples or data that support your points. If you say many people do something, give a small number or a specific example to make it real.
Language
Fix awkward phrases and grammar. For example, replace unclear phrases with clear ones like 'causes of weight gain' instead of 'significant advantages associated with reason for weight gain'.
content
Clear position and attempt to cover both sides.
examples
Good use of examples like office workers and outdoor gyms.
structure
Intro and conclusion exist.
structure
Overall plan is easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • physical activity
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • exercise
  • unhealthy diet
  • fast food
  • urbanization
  • modernization
  • stress
  • awareness
  • education
  • government intervention
  • policies
  • promotion
  • sports
  • fitness programs
  • health education
  • taxation
  • public transportation
  • infrastructure
  • parks
  • recreational spaces
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