IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

A lot of people believe that the amount of violence shown on TV and in the cinema affects the actions of our young people and therefore increases the amount of violence in our society today. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? What can be done to reduce violence in our society today?

#people #amount #violence #tv #cinema #actions #increases #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
At the present time, it is believed that a number of violent television shows and movies in theatres could actually inspire young people to commit crimes and abuse, which could lead to acts of aggression in our society. I strongly agree with
this
 allegation, and in
this
 essay, I will discuss how do infringement shows on TV, and films may have a significant effect on children's emotions,
moreover
, will find the possible ways of the reduction of young child abuse, specifically, the establishment of a policy and prohibitions on viewing these types of programs and films. The main reason why mass media and television continue to have an effect on young people is that many teens may be completely addicted to violent TV shows or the film industry.
Thus
, in the long run, they have an inability to differentiate right or wrong mode.
As a result
, most of them will use, the manner of their favourite characters,
such
 as heroes or superheroes. A great example is that scientists carried out research among young children with violent attitudes and have found that young people in the United States express themselves in conflict situations by using weapons at school. Another point is that the young generation with cruel attitudes should obey the timetable and the rules to watch television at home or outside.
In addition
, parents and teachers may encourage their interest in watching relevant channels or movies together as a great opportunity. People seldom grasp the implications of adolescents' unregulated lives. Now, more and more countries are trying to limit the time spent on tv of teenagers and direct them in the right way.
For example
, in the UAE, the government controls what kind of shows or films must be made available to the public. In conclusion, I am persuaded that the TV industry has a negative effect on children’s auditory,
furthermore
, movies, and shows have to be selected and limited to watching with the kids.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitization
  • crucial stage
  • moral and ethical understandings
  • external factors
  • profound impact
  • reflection
  • mitigate
  • stricter regulations
  • depiction
  • empathy
  • conflict resolution
  • collaboration
  • conscious
  • impact
  • promoting
  • culture of peace
  • non-violence
  • public awareness campaigns
  • community programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: