Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behaviour. What is your opinion?
Nowadays, many people are convinced that an excessive display of violent
content
in games and TV programs poses a detrimental effect on the public. Other groups of people have the opposite opinion and disagree that violence in the media can significantly influence people’s actions. This
essay will delineate my perspective on the presence of violence in entertainment and its negative societal impacts.
While
some may consider strong images to be the major contributor to someone’s aggressive behaviour, there are plenty of cases where other factors can cause these behavioural changes . One example can be the demonstration of gore content
in horror games as in Left for Dead. In this
particular game, players must participate in cold-blooded fights with other dangerous characters in order to survive the zombie apocalypse. This
game doesn’t encourage assault on real humans since it only trains your survival skills in imaginary situations.
Another explanation of some people having prejudices towards the display of blood might be an attempt to shift the blame. It is known that dozens of maniacs and psychopaths were more influenced by their upbringing than shock content
. For instance
, the infamous Clown character from the movie IT was based on a real killer from Texas. This
killer slaughtered more than 90 young men in the costume of Clown and was never a fan of horror or the same genre. On the contrary
, he was a public figure who enjoyed dressing up and entertaining children with tricks and balloons. During the investigation, it was discovered that he was traumatized by his parents and violent images in the media had little to no effect on his behaviour.
In conclusion, many would find strong, violent content
to be the reason for the presence of increased aggressiveness. I genuinely believe that childhood traumas present more negative impacts on someone's mental health than some R-rated movies and games.Submitted by 6atb8k on
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Task Achievement
To improve your task completion score, ensure that your opinion is clearly stated early in the essay, and consistently supported throughout. Develop your argument with more direct links to how violent content specifically impacts societal behaviors, as the question asks for your perspective on violence's effect on society.
Coherence & Cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your essay has a good structure, but the transition between paragraphs can be smoother. This can be achieved by using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more clearly. Also, each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea to the reader.
Task Achievement
Try to incorporate a more balanced view by acknowledging counterarguments within your discussion. This not only showcases a comprehensive understanding of the topic but also strengthens your own viewpoint when you effectively refute these opposing arguments.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
