IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many small local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area, How does this affect local communities? how could this situation be improved?

#shops #supermarkets #area #affect #communities #situation
In
contemporary era
Suggestion
the contemporary era
, more and more local markets are forced to confront with bankrupts and eventually close their workplaces. Several detrimental impacts have been prevailed recently,
as a result
 of
this
 tendency. I will elaborate on what problems it brings and what attempts could have been taken to address the issue. The most precarious effect faced by local communities is that it brings discouragement to new entrepreneurs who are about to take
initiative
Suggestion
the initiative
 to settle a
business
.
However
, as young adults observe those who have experienced lock downs, they begin to think in an alternative way that they have no capacity for
such
 a big
endeavor
a purposeful or industrious undertaking (especially one that requires effort or boldness)
endeavour
 in a competitive atmosphere with supermarkets. Starting a
business
 seems them as if it is out the reach
for
Suggestion
of
 young individuals.
Furthermore
, when a market plays a predominant role over its counterparts,
consequently
 consumers have to be dependable on merely one single shop. Urgent actions must be taken to combat with these unwanted consequences. One way forward might be to provide entrepreneurs with strong endorsement,
for instance
, banks can allot a
business
 loan with lower deposits. To deal with
this
 problem,
government
Suggestion
the government
 had better not to levy higher taxes for a certain period of time.
Additionally
, mega stores should not be empowered to expand their branches throughout the region and there should be put legislations by the government, so as to let small shops to improve. By way of conclusion,
this
 process leads noticeable dire ramifications,
such
 as the reluctance to start a
business
 and dependability
.
Accept space
.
They can be tackled by implementing some particular solutions,
for example
, to back new
businesspeople
Suggestion
business people
 with financial stability.
Submitted by bigfarm317 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: