IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Computer are becoming an essential part of school lesson.Discuss the advantages and the disadvantages.

#computer #part #school #lesson
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In fact, some people
work
 hard while others always avoid working. There are many reasons for these actions. In my opinion, passionate task is a great character of an employee, but too much
work
 hard will make people are exhausted and get undesirable issues about health. There three main reasons to encourage people to job harder.
First
, with the purpose earn more money so people really
work
 extra shifts. People believe that with the extra income earned, they can buy necessary things for themselves and their families.
Second
, the
career
 goals and desire to advance in their
career
 so they word hard to please their employer. In people’s minds, they fear that their employer will replace them with a better person if they no effort and strive with effort.
Finally
, there are people who are very passionate about their careers and production. They
work
 non-stop despite the passage of time or put their family responsibilities aside to achieve their
career
 goals and higher social status. In another aspect, people who trial hard often get problems unexpected everywhere.
To begin
 with, overworked can more likely to endanger themselves,
such
 as a part of their body, even their life will be in danger if they don’t concentrate when controlling the machine.
In addition
, sometimes since overwork or
work
 overtime, which people don’t spend time for their family, so the family’s relationship will be affected by the lack of time to spend together.
Moreover
, many studies have shown that, due to working long hours that there is an increase in the number of people suffering from stress disorders and other neurological diseases. To conclude, it is evident that
work
 hard allows people to achieve their
career
 goals and earn more money.
However
, job hard that results may do harm for themselves, and jeopardizing family happiness is never a risk worth taking.
Submitted by tranlapdesign11 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: