IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging populations.

#world #life #expectancy #individuals #society #measures #impact #populations
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, more people expect to live more than ever before. In many countries around the world,
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 would go higher.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the main causes of increased
life
Use synonyms
span including
Accept comma addition
span, including
an
Suggestion
a
rise
Use synonyms
 in the number of retired people who will receive a pension, a small working population, a
tax
Use synonyms
 burden on working adults, and will
also
Linking Words
 suggest solutions to these problems including
Use synonyms
increase
Suggestion
increased
 retirement age and encourage immigration. As people live longer, the population of several developed countries grows older and several related issues can be anticipated.
Firstly
Linking Words
, as
life
Use synonyms
 span increases, there is undoubtedly rising in the retired people who will increasingly be receiving a pension because they will have to fulfil their basic amenities of
life
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there will be a smaller proportion of young adults who will have to look after elderly relatives.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey shows that the
rise
Use synonyms
 in
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 is directly related to smaller working population.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, adults would have to bear
tax
Use synonyms
 burden
therefore
Linking Words
 they would not be economically so strong. So, the unusual
rise
Use synonyms
 in
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 will ultimately cause many unavoidable issues.
Although
Linking Words
 there are so many effective solutions to these problems which will be implemented by the governments. The government should
increase
Use synonyms
 the retirement age so that individuals can be able to take care of themselves.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, governmental authorities should
also
Linking Words
 encourage immigration in order to
increase
Use synonyms
 young people who pay
Use synonyms
tax
Suggestion
taxes
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if foreign people tend to move into other countries,
then
Linking Words
 the
tax
Use synonyms
 rate would be balanced to a great extent.
Also
Linking Words
,
life
Use synonyms
 expectancies would never be going to affect anyone anymore. In conclusion, increasing
life
Use synonyms
expectancy
Use synonyms
 is an uncontrolled factor, so we need to tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue efficiently.
This
Linking Words
 essay discussed that the
rise
Use synonyms
 in
life
Use synonyms
 span leads us to the
rise
Use synonyms
 in people who will receive a pension, a small number of the working community, and
tax
Use synonyms
 problems for working adults.
This
Linking Words
 essay
also
Linking Words
 suggested that the solutions to these problems are twofold, to promote immigration, and
increase
Use synonyms
 the retirement age.
Submitted by shakila2252 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • average life expectancy
  • developed world
  • increase
  • individuals
  • society
  • personal goals
  • ambitions
  • quality of life
  • leisure
  • recreation
  • healthcare costs
  • challenges
  • healthcare system
  • ageing population
  • shortage
  • available workers
  • economy
  • retirement planning
  • healthy lifestyles
  • investing
  • social support systems
What to do next:
Look at other essays: