IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many children these days have their own mobile phones. What are the advantages and disadvantages of it?

#children #phones
It is indeed true that numerous inventions have been created by mankind. One of the greatest
creation
Suggestion
creations
 of human being is
mobile phone
Suggestion
a mobile phone
the mobile phone
. It is true that the use of cell phones has been increased by kids since
last
 decade, which have more disadvantages than advantages. In
this
 essay, we are going to discuss
disadvantages
Suggestion
the disadvantages
 and advantages of overuse of mobile phones by children. Lifestyle of today’s parents has been upgraded compared to the past. Due to
this
, they are much liberal to their kids and provide mobile phones to them in
such
 a tender age.
First
 and foremost disadvantage is that they could not handle the expensive gadget in
early stage
Suggestion
the early stage
 of their life. There
is always been
Suggestion
always is
 a threat of thieves and breaking of screens and body parts of expensive phones.
Secondly
, excessive use of cell phones could
also
 affect the academics of a child. He/ she would be playing wild games on mobile, which could adversely affect to their studies.
Moreover
, brighter screen of phones
are spraying
Suggestion
is spraying
 the harmful rays into their eyes and sometimes their brain could
also
 be damaged by excessive use. On
other side
Suggestion
the other side
, some experts are in
opinion
Suggestion
the opinion
 that, the mobile phones are the boon for children. According to them, it is essential equipment for the children to solve the complex problems of maths and physics.
In addition
 to
this
, they could
also
 be attached with globe by various knowledge sharing websites and search engines. On top of it, it could be used in any kind of emergency situations which could be occurred in short time. To recapitulate,
although
 the mobile phones are a helpful gadget for the children in
emergency situation
Suggestion
an emergency situation
emergency situations
, the excessive usage of cell phones could adversely affect the body, brain and study of kids.
Submitted by premal27kalsara on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: