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Band 6.5

Some people think that teenagers should do some unpaid work in the local community. Some people believe that it benefit both young people and society as a whole. to what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #teenagers #work #community #benefit #society
Some of us believe that young people should start working without being paid because
this
 can bring many advantages to them and to the society as well.I agree with that part which include
work
 in the community, but disagree with the idea not to get money for their job. It is true that we have to encourage our teenagers to
work
 in the community and not always have big expectation regarding their income at the beginning of their career,
however without
Accept comma addition
however, without
 money we can live and if teenagers do not become financially independent after they
work
 it is possible to lose their motivation. A good salary is a true motivation for everyone and lead to a better life.I think that our society has to trust in teenagers and to put them in jobs like an adult.
For example
, during my student years I was doing voluntary
work
 and I can not say that helps me in my future job.
On the other hand
, young people are very interested by jobs who are very well paid and forgot to do something that they really like.Nowadays, in social media often we see
that is
 promoted jobs like footballers, models, make up artist and teenagers tend to prefer
this
 kind of life. Putting a teenager to do some
work
 without being paid can be sometimes useful for him, he can learn how to do things for society. To conclude taking money for your
work
 is very important because is confer you a better life and teenagers, especially started
work
Suggestion
working
 in order to become financially independent.
Submitted by mioara81.p on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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