IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

It is not necessary for people to travel to other places to learn about the culture. We can learn as much as from books, films, and the Internet. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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As technology develops, there are multiple sources that help
people
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 to learn about cultures from different countries.
Thus
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, some
people
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 harbour a belief that it is not necessary to travel to other places since they can travel around the world at home through various resources like books, films and the Internet.From my perspective, I am inclined to stand with the sceptics because visiting the place not only provides chances to verify learned information but
also
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 builds up connections.
Initially
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,one of the main arguments in favour of travelling to different regions is that visitors experience what they have learned in reality.
For example
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, the taste of food can only be imagined if a person never tries it.
Moreover
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, the information is represented by others which involves their perspectives. Take films
for instance
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, those scenes include directors’ and performers’ personal opinions.
Therefore
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, individuals can have their own judgements when they visit a place which will result in unique experiences and memories. At the other end of the spectrum, individuals will have a connection with the area after a trip.They will have vivid impressions when talking about the region.
For example
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, the hot weather of Kaohsiung can be unforgettable if
people
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 have a chance to stay there.
According to
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 the aforementioned,visiting a place in person is still worth doing.
To sum up
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, despite the fact that information about different cultures can be easily delivered through media like films, books and the Internet, the necessity of travelling cannot be ignored. It allows
people
Use synonyms
 to have their own connections and viewpoints towards the world.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong structure, with a clear introduction, developed body paragraphs, and a summarizing conclusion, which is good for coherence and cohesion. However, you could enhance it by using a wider range of linking words and phrases to make the progression of ideas even smoother.
task achievement
You have effectively addressed all parts of the task, providing a clear position throughout the essay. To further improve, consider adding more diverse and detailed examples to support each of your points more robustly, illustrating your argument with greater depth.
task achievement
The clarity of your stance on the issue throughout the essay is commendable, making your argumentation straightforward and easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
You have used a good range of vocabulary to express your ideas, which adds to the richness of your essay and engages the reader effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural immersion
  • authentic experiences
  • diverse perspectives
  • comprehensive
  • historical context
  • facilitates
  • sensory and emotional depth
  • holistic understanding
  • cultural bias
  • stereotypes
  • discernment
  • virtual reality
  • convenience of access
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