IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#sports #professionals #money #people #professions
Some people perceive that the sports
player
 having higher salaries is valid as they were doing hard
work
.
However
, others think that it is invalid; there are various fields which are
also
 important. The essay will discuss my stance with arguments in below paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the predominant reason for the sports
player
 can earn more money compare to the laymen is that their
work
 demands more contribution and hard
work
.
As a result
, the
player
 can sacrifice their family life, certain food from their staple.
Moreover
, many of the games having a fix age limit for the
player
.
Although
 they can play the games for the few years, the higher salaries will help them during their retirement period.
For example
, research conducted shows that most of the games allowed person between the age of 25 to 35 only; as having more stamina and good fitness level.
On the other hand
, others think that
this
 earning difference would create a detrimental impact on the other educated people. The
first
 reason is that people feel that their enlightenment having no impact as having less incentive.
This
 will generate discrimination in the society.
Furthermore
, another reason is that many people will apply in the sports.
This
 will create a more competitive environment.
However
,
this
 situation will create a situation in which no other profession exists in the universe,
then
 people has to suffer from many troubles.
For instance
, an individual has to suffer for the medical treatment as no doctors are there. In conclusion, giving the higher salaries to the players will motivate them to do hard
work
 and used in their older life. But
this
 will create bad impact on other professionals who think their knowledge is not useful. As per my opinion,
this
 will totally depend on an individual thinking.
Submitted by khatripankil1 on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial remuneration
  • exceptional
  • merit
  • talent
  • demand
  • entertainment value
  • career span
  • physical demands
  • justified
  • unfair
  • criticism
  • income inequality
  • societal priorities
  • sportsmanship
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