IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people thinks that governments should increase tax on unhealthy food to encourage people to start eating healthy. Do you agree or disagree.

#people #governments #tax #food
Government
tax
 is a way of fund raising for their operations and fund raising out unhealthy
food
 is a way of discouraging people to go for unhealthy
food
. When, people think on overspending on
food
 they will start
avoid
Suggestion
to avoid
avoiding
 it.
Still it
Accept comma addition
Still, it
 has certain issues like loss of
job
 for many, in
this
 percent lifestyle many
depends
Suggestion
depend
 on the income out of
food industry
Suggestion
the food industry
. Due to change in lifestyle
Firstly
, junk foods
has become
Suggestion
have become
 part of the
mordern
belonging to the modern era; since the Middle Ages
modern
 lifestyle. Which invited many diseases and brought people's health into disaster, not only for
this
 generation and to the future generations as well.
Secondly
, if the government
impose
Suggestion
imposes
 more
tax
 on these junk
food
this
 will lead to reduce the consumption of these kind of
food
.
This
 kind of decline in consumption will reflect in production, intern
this
 will implicate in
job
 loss for many. In
this
 case
government
Suggestion
the government
 should make the necessary alternative
job
 opportunity for people before they implement high
tax
 rates.
Thirdly
, the waste of natural
resouces
available source of wealth; a new or reserve supply that can be drawn upon when needed
resources
 involved in
production
Suggestion
the production
 of
these
Suggestion
these foods
food
.
This
 may not implicate our life in the near future still it will be in
de
definite article
the
 facto.
For example
,
cauvery
Suggestion
Cauvery
 delta is affected due to the cool drink factor located in
this
 area.
Finally
, the increase in
tax
 will help the
goverent
 to raise fund for their operational expenses and for new
productive
Suggestion
product
production
 plans for
goodness
Suggestion
the goodness
 of the people. Which is a very good for
nation's development
Suggestion
the nation's development
a nation's development
. In my view, the junk
food
 will spoil the health of the people and land. At the same time government should plan for necessary alternative ways to increase the
job
 opportunity for the people involved in
this
 industry
then
 increase the
tax
 to control the unhealthy
food
 habits of the people.
Submitted by mercywilliam on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: