Governments should support care vs fiannce for retired people while others believe that they should save money when they get older. Discuss both views and give your opinion?
Some
people
Use synonyms
believed
that Government policy should take into account helping pension Wrong verb form
believe
people
by offering caregiving Use synonyms
facilities
rather than providing financial assistance. Meanwhile, other Use synonyms
people
argue that it is an advocate to save funds when they get older. From my perspective, some Use synonyms
facilities
should be done by the authorities because Use synonyms
this
is a recognition for them and both reviews are elaborate on.
On the one hand, elderly Linking Words
people
are vital in the Use synonyms
country
. Despite, they are getting older and they can not give a contribution like physical activities to their Use synonyms
country
anymore, they can be leveraged to provide some guidance Use synonyms
such
as giving experience to the new generation. Linking Words
Instead
of giving financial incentives like subsidies of money, the councils are supposed to provide Linking Words
facilities
Use synonyms
for example
medical checkups twice a year to help retired Linking Words
people
maintain their health so that they can be productive again in another way.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, other Linking Words
people
argue that retired Use synonyms
people
when they were young should get as much money as they can to not be a state burden. Use synonyms
Although
it is quite impolite, Linking Words
this
regulation should be done. Linking Words
This
is because the government can leverage their budget to develop an alternative plan Linking Words
to
the Change preposition
for
country
. Taking developed countries as an example, the government of Japan has asked their citizens to get money when they were productive-era. Use synonyms
This
allows them to create another infrastructure for the next generation.
Linking Words
Finally
, in my review, whether subsidies from governments or Linking Words
people
should create Use synonyms
facilities
based on their finances, is better done by the author. Retired Use synonyms
people
, when they were young, worked hard not only for their necessities but Use synonyms
also
for national honour. Linking Words
Moreover
, they devoted their time to developing their Linking Words
country
. Use synonyms
Therefore
, it is warranted when the councils provide some health Linking Words
facilities
or even some amenities for well-being.Use synonyms
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task
Your essay generally addresses the task with an introduction, a discussion of both views, and a conclusion. However, be careful with small grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'despite, they are getting older' and 'productive-era.' These can make your writing less clear and engaging.
cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure the paragraphs flow smoothly. For instance, using more transition words and phrases can help. Merge your ideas more seamlessly, e.g., 'On the one hand, elderly people are vital in the country. Despite their age, they can contribute through experience-sharing rather than physical activities.'
support
You do provide relevant examples, such as the case of Japan, but try to expand on them to make your argument stronger. Giving more detailed explanations will make your essay more convincing.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. This is well-organized.
task
You made a good effort to discuss both sides of the argument and gave your opinion in the conclusion, which shows a comprehensive approach to the topic.