Governments should support care vs fiannce for retired people while others believe that they should save money when they get older. Discuss both views and give your opinion?
Some
people
believed
that Government policy should take into account helping pension Wrong verb form
believe
people
by offering caregiving facilities
rather than providing financial assistance. Meanwhile, other people
argue that it is an advocate to save funds when they get older. From my perspective, some facilities
should be done by the authorities because this
is a recognition for them and both reviews are elaborate on.
On the one hand, elderly people
are vital in the country
. Despite, they are getting older and they can not give a contribution like physical activities to their country
anymore, they can be leveraged to provide some guidance such
as giving experience to the new generation. Instead
of giving financial incentives like subsidies of money, the councils are supposed to provide facilities
for example
medical checkups twice a year to help retired people
maintain their health so that they can be productive again in another way.
On the other hand
, other people
argue that retired people
when they were young should get as much money as they can to not be a state burden. Although
it is quite impolite, this
regulation should be done. This
is because the government can leverage their budget to develop an alternative plan to
the Change preposition
for
country
. Taking developed countries as an example, the government of Japan has asked their citizens to get money when they were productive-era. This
allows them to create another infrastructure for the next generation.
Finally
, in my review, whether subsidies from governments or people
should create facilities
based on their finances, is better done by the author. Retired people
, when they were young, worked hard not only for their necessities but also
for national honour. Moreover
, they devoted their time to developing their country
. Therefore
, it is warranted when the councils provide some health facilities
or even some amenities for well-being.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task
Your essay generally addresses the task with an introduction, a discussion of both views, and a conclusion. However, be careful with small grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as 'despite, they are getting older' and 'productive-era.' These can make your writing less clear and engaging.
cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, make sure the paragraphs flow smoothly. For instance, using more transition words and phrases can help. Merge your ideas more seamlessly, e.g., 'On the one hand, elderly people are vital in the country. Despite their age, they can contribute through experience-sharing rather than physical activities.'
support
You do provide relevant examples, such as the case of Japan, but try to expand on them to make your argument stronger. Giving more detailed explanations will make your essay more convincing.
structure
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. This is well-organized.
task
You made a good effort to discuss both sides of the argument and gave your opinion in the conclusion, which shows a comprehensive approach to the topic.