Nowadays doctors can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities such as plastic surgery or looking after rich patients and concentrate more on patients' health, no matter how rich they are. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is true that many medical professionals are earning a lot, but I disagree that
doctors
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should not delve into money-making plastic
surgeries
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and treatment of rich
patients
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, and focus on
patients
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'
health
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instead
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of looking at their pocket. A number of arguments surround my opinion. The main argument in
favor
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favour
show examples
of
doctors
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earning high from their professions is that it takes years to become a doctor and medical education is
also
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very expensive nowadays. To serve the poor or needy, they first have to generate their own source of income. A doctor has to treat anyone who comes to him. By rendering his services to the rich, he can help the weaker sections and
thus
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help society.
Secondly
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, cosmetic
surgeries
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are
also
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part of people's
health
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. They are part of emotional
health
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, which is
also
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very important. It is not just the celebrities who go in for
such
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surgeries
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; people having accidents in which facial features are affected
also
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need to go in for
such
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surgeries
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. Can you imagine the mental status of a woman who has lost her external ear or has disfigured her nose in an accident?
Finally
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, there are children born with cleft lip or palate who
also
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need plastic surgery.
Therefore
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, it would be wrong to say that
doctors
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should not focus on
such
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surgeries
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. There are
doctors
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who are doing plastic
surgeries
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absolutely free for children suffering from cleft lip and palate. They charge their rich
patients
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, but they never say no to poor and needy
patients
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.
To sum up
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, a doctor's duty is to treat
patients
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, and there is nothing wrong if he charges money from those who can afford to pay, as long as he is looking after the poor ones, too. It would
also
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be wrong to label all cosmetic
surgeries
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as unnecessary and money-making activities as they are
also
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a part of the
health
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of
patients
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.
Submitted by sidhunarinder591 on

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task response
You present a clear argument and consistently address the task requirements. Ensure you maintain focus on the question throughout your essay.
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coherence and cohesion
Your essay flows well, but using transitional phrases more consistently can improve coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured. Consider rephrasing or expanding your conclusion for stronger impact.
task response
You have included relevant examples which strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical progression to your ideas, which helps maintain coherence throughout the essay.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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