Nowadays doctors can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities such as plastic surgery or looking after rich patients and concentrate more on patients' health, no matter how rich they are. Do you agree or disagree?

#doctors #focus #activities #plastic #surgery #patients #health #matter

It is true that many medical professionals are earning a lot, but I disagree that

doctors

should not delve into money-making plastic

surgeries

and treatment of rich

patients

, and focus on

patients

health

instead

of looking at their pocket. A number of arguments surround my opinion. The main argument in

favor

Change the spelling

favour

show examples

doctors

earning high from their professions is that it takes years to become a doctor and medical education is

also

very expensive nowadays. To serve the poor or needy, they first have to generate their own source of income. A doctor has to treat anyone who comes to him. By rendering his services to the rich, he can help the weaker sections and

thus

help society.

Secondly

, cosmetic

surgeries

are

also

part of people's

health

. They are part of emotional

health

, which is

also

very important. It is not just the celebrities who go in for

such

surgeries

; people having accidents in which facial features are affected

also

need to go in for

such

surgeries

. Can you imagine the mental status of a woman who has lost her external ear or has disfigured her nose in an accident?

Finally

, there are children born with cleft lip or palate who

also

need plastic surgery.

Therefore

, it would be wrong to say that

doctors

should not focus on

such

surgeries

. There are

doctors

who are doing plastic

surgeries

absolutely free for children suffering from cleft lip and palate. They charge their rich

patients

, but they never say no to poor and needy

patients

To sum up

, a doctor's duty is to treat

patients

, and there is nothing wrong if he charges money from those who can afford to pay, as long as he is looking after the poor ones, too. It would

also

be wrong to label all cosmetic

surgeries

as unnecessary and money-making activities as they are

also

a part of the

health

patients

Submitted by sidhunarinder591 on Fri Oct 18 2024

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You present a clear argument and consistently address the task requirements. Ensure you maintain focus on the question throughout your essay.

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While your ideas are clearly presented, there is room for further elaboration to enhance clarity. Adding more detailed explanations or examples could help.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay flows well, but using transitional phrases more consistently can improve coherence.

coherence and cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured. Consider rephrasing or expanding your conclusion for stronger impact.

task response

You have included relevant examples which strengthen your argument.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.

coherence and cohesion

There is a logical progression to your ideas, which helps maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

316 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays doctors can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities such as plastic surgery or looking after rich patients and concentrate more on patients' health, no matter how rich they are. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries, small shops are closing. Give your reasons about this. Is it positive or negative? Give examples from your knowledge and experience

in many countries, more and more young people are leaving school and unable to find jobs after graduation. What problems do you think youth unemployment will cause to the individual and society?give reasons and make some suggestions.

It is unacceptable that people who work in certain professions,eg.finance,media, entertainment and sport,are paid such high salaries while others, who do more important jobs in society,are underpaid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country , while others believe the government should control salaries and limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your opinion.