Nowadays doctors can become very rich. Maybe they should not focus on profitable activities such as plastic surgery or looking after rich patients and concentrate more on patients' health, no matter how rich they are. Do you agree or disagree?
It is true that many medical professionals are earning a lot, but I disagree that
doctors
should not delve into money-making plastic surgeries
and treatment of rich patients
, and focus on patients
' health
instead
of looking at their pocket. A number of arguments surround my opinion.
The main argument in favor
of Change the spelling
favour
doctors
earning high from their professions is that it takes years to become a doctor and medical education is also
very expensive nowadays. To serve the poor or needy, they first have to generate their own source of income. A doctor has to treat anyone who comes to him. By rendering his services to the rich, he can help the weaker sections and thus
help society.
Secondly
, cosmetic surgeries
are also
part of people's health
. They are part of emotional health
, which is also
very important. It is not just the celebrities who go in for such
surgeries
; people having accidents in which facial features are affected also
need to go in for such
surgeries
. Can you imagine the mental status of a woman who has lost her external ear or has disfigured her nose in an accident?
Finally
, there are children born with cleft lip or palate who also
need plastic surgery. Therefore
, it would be wrong to say that doctors
should not focus on such
surgeries
. There are doctors
who are doing plastic surgeries
absolutely free for children suffering from cleft lip and palate. They charge their rich patients
, but they never say no to poor and needy patients
.
To sum up
, a doctor's duty is to treat patients
, and there is nothing wrong if he charges money from those who can afford to pay, as long as he is looking after the poor ones, too. It would also
be wrong to label all cosmetic surgeries
as unnecessary and money-making activities as they are also
a part of the health
of patients
.Submitted by sidhunarinder591 on
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task response
You present a clear argument and consistently address the task requirements. Ensure you maintain focus on the question throughout your essay.
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While your ideas are clearly presented, there is room for further elaboration to enhance clarity. Adding more detailed explanations or examples could help.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay flows well, but using transitional phrases more consistently can improve coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured. Consider rephrasing or expanding your conclusion for stronger impact.
task response
You have included relevant examples which strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your argument well.
coherence and cohesion
There is a logical progression to your ideas, which helps maintain coherence throughout the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.