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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on the society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #entertainers #impact #society #money #effect
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Nowadays people are used to having
cultural exchange
Suggestion
cultural exchanges
a cultural exchange
 in order to
meet new
Accept comma addition
meet, new
 places and know different mentalities; most of the time, they desire to explore and discover the world’s treasures hidden.
Nevertheless
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, these exchanges can cause the term well-known as Cultural Shock – an adaptation problem which affects citizens at the moment of getting abroad – and which disturb the normal development in terms of health, education and social life, as well.
Hence
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, we will
analyze
consider in detail and subject to an analysis in order to discover essential features or meaning
analyse
 not only the cultural shock’s causes, but
also
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 its stages in foreigners. Notwithstanding its benefits,
cultural
Suggestion
culture
 shock is a challenge for those people who want to live another life experience. Psychologists tell us that there are four stages in that process. The
first
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 one is called *honeymoon
stage
Use synonyms
* in which folks have a feeling of comfortability due to citizens delight every single detail of the new location, after that the worst
stage
Use synonyms
 called “ anxious
stage
Use synonyms
” comes out, throughout
this
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stage
Use synonyms
 it is common that the person feels desperate and aggravated because they do not like the way of life; Mostly, for the language not understood. In
this
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stage
Use synonyms
 people try to fit
in
Suggestion
into
 the culture and community around them, unfortunately without many good results.
In addition
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, the
third
Linking Words
stage
Use synonyms
 is when people- the citizens that are trying to adapt themselves – experience a sense of rejection and loneliness,
this
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stage
Use synonyms
 could be really dangerous because the individuals
tends
Suggestion
tend
 to acquire
unhealth
not in or exhibiting good health in body or mind
unhealthy
 habits,
such
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 as smoking a large amount of cigarettes, useful diet and not
interaction
Suggestion
interact
interacting
 with people- those are hazardous facts.
Consequently
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, the results are between getting back hometown and get frustrated about abroad.
Finally
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, adjustment
stage
Use synonyms
, in which adaptation process occurs. It makes people to face effectively difficulties and sometimes foreigners may still have problems with the language, but now they are strong enough to deal it them even thought they are not
expert
Suggestion
an expert
 in the foreign language. In conclusion, cultural shock it is a big process in which people are needed to be strong with the purpose of facing those idiomatic and social problems presented throughout the stay abroad,
as a result
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, they will adapt themselves effectively costumes and tradition of
this
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 new place.
Submitted by yetsy_07 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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