IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007.

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007.
#bar #hours #week #teenagers #activities #chester
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The table compares the
number
 of workers in ten different industries, divided into three groups of
age
.
Overall
, the
number
 of
people
 joining the manufacturing, agriculture, local government, and education sectors
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 with
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
whereas
 the trend of retail and other
ones
 is reversed, making an exception
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 catering, health, law, and accountancy.
The manufacturing
Correct article usage
Manufacturing
show examples
 is the most popular among
people
 over 40, with 23
people
 recruited, which approximately doubles the
number
 of
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
show examples
ones
.
Similarly
, 18 workers of the oldest group of
age
 work in local government, compared to only 8
ones
 under 25. Education and Agriculture follow a similar pattern, but on a lower scale.
By contrast
, retail and other sectors are selected most by the youngest employees. Regarding retails,
this
 group of
age
 gains 23
people
,
while
 13
people
 are relatively equally divided between
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 remaining categories. Meanwhile, the
number
 of
people
 working in other industries decrease by
age
, from 21
people
 under 25, plunging to 9
ones
 over 40.
Two
 aforementioned patterns are not reflected in others. A few more
people
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the
age
 between 25 and 40 than the
number
 in
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 other groups of
age
 are employed in catering and health. Meanwhile, three
age
 categories equally contribute 4
people
 to Law sectors.
Conversely
, each of
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
show examples
 and oldest groups has 3 accountants, in comparison with only
two
people
 in the rest of
ages
Correct article usage
the ages
show examples
.
Submitted by fernnizz.r on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, age, people, ones, two with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "divided" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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