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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007.

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007.
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The table compares the
number
Use synonyms
 of workers in ten different industries, divided into three groups of
age
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 joining the manufacturing, agriculture, local government, and education sectors
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 with
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
whereas
Linking Words
 the trend of retail and other
ones
Use synonyms
 is reversed, making an exception
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 catering, health, law, and accountancy.
The manufacturing
Correct article usage
Manufacturing
show examples
 is the most popular among
people
Use synonyms
 over 40, with 23
people
Use synonyms
 recruited, which approximately doubles the
number
Use synonyms
 of
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
show examples
ones
Use synonyms
.
Similarly
Linking Words
, 18 workers of the oldest group of
age
Use synonyms
 work in local government, compared to only 8
ones
Use synonyms
 under 25. Education and Agriculture follow a similar pattern, but on a lower scale.
By contrast
Linking Words
, retail and other sectors are selected most by the youngest employees. Regarding retails,
this
Linking Words
 group of
age
Use synonyms
 gains 23
people
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 13
people
Use synonyms
 are relatively equally divided between
Use synonyms
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 remaining categories. Meanwhile, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 working in other industries decrease by
age
Use synonyms
, from 21
people
Use synonyms
 under 25, plunging to 9
ones
Use synonyms
 over 40.
Two
Use synonyms
 aforementioned patterns are not reflected in others. A few more
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
 the
age
Use synonyms
 between 25 and 40 than the
number
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
two
Correct article usage
the two
show examples
 other groups of
age
Use synonyms
 are employed in catering and health. Meanwhile, three
age
Use synonyms
 categories equally contribute 4
people
Use synonyms
 to Law sectors.
Conversely
Linking Words
, each of
youngest
Correct article usage
the youngest
show examples
 and oldest groups has 3 accountants, in comparison with only
two
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 in the rest of
ages
Correct article usage
the ages
show examples
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, age, people, ones, two with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "divided" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "go" was used 2 times.
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