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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie chart below show the spending of a school in the UK from 1981 to 2001

The pie chart below show the spending of a school in the UK from 1981 to 2001
#show #school #uk
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The pie chart illustrates the expenditure
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 in five different sectors in the UK between 1981 and 2001.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Add an article
the school
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 spent more
money
Use synonyms
 on the salary of
Add an article
an educator
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educator
Fix the agreement mistake
educators
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 than that
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other sectors
while
Linking Words
 only a small amount of
money
Use synonyms
spent
Add a missing verb
was spent
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 on insurance over three decades. During the initial year (1981), 40% of
Use synonyms
money
Correct article usage
the money
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spent
Add a missing verb
was spent
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 on
a
Correct article usage
the
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 salary of teachers.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 28% of
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the school
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school
Change noun form
school's
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financial
Replace the word
finances
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 pay for the
school
Use synonyms
 employee.
Moreover
Linking Words
, just under one-sixth (15%) were
resources
Correct article usage
the resources
show examples
 and furniture categories. In the following decades,
expenditure
Correct article usage
the expenditure
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of
Change preposition
on
show examples
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 increased to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half,
whereas
Linking Words
 just under a quarter was the worker’s salaries. One-fourth of
institutional
Correct article usage
the institutional
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fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
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spent
Add a missing verb
are spent
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 on the institute materials.
Conversely
Linking Words
, furniture
expensed
Replace the word
expenses
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 accounted for 5%. In the final year (2001), the downward trend can be observed in lecturer, worker, and
school
Use synonyms
 resources, it fell to 45%, 15% and 9% respectively. The
money
Use synonyms
 spent on furniture sectors rose remarkably to about one-fourth (23%) in 2001.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, the amount of
money
Use synonyms
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
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 on insurance was considerably small over the period and in a range between 2% and 8%
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school, money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just under" was used 2 times.
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