Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn't sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #teenagers #work #money #lessons #shouldn #sacrifice #rest #activities

Start earning in the age between 13 to 19

Accept space

in their free

time

children it would be

great opportunity

Suggestion

a great opportunity

to gain general knowledge, thought by some people.

However

, some believe that they do not need to be restless by working just after the school. In

this

essay will be discuss both sides. In my

opinion there

Accept comma addition

opinion, there

are more benefits of working along with studies. To gain massive experience,

work

Suggestion

the work

most common thing

Suggestion

the most common thing

working

Suggestion

Working

for at least 20 hours a week is perfect for a student, in

this

they communicate with a lot of people

this

may help them to gain communication skills. For

instantiate

Suggestion

instance

, my friend who

is working

Suggestion

has been working

Suggestion

taco bell as a cashier for a long

time at

Accept comma addition

time, at

least 1 year he has become more fluent.

For example

, he can talk to any stranger without feeling hesitate.

Further more

in addition

Furthermore

, when a student

earn

Suggestion

earns

a money he become more responsible and

focuse

the concentration of attention or energy on something

focus

focused

about their future and he introduced to the real struggle which their parent did for him. Generally, by working they learn how to manage

time

and money.

For example

, a person

earn

Suggestion

earns

500

dollar

Suggestion

dollars

in one month so he calculate all and make a plan for their whole month, where spending money is worth.

On the other hand

, In

this

age

mind

rest is

must

slightly wet

moist

as well as physically. How to rest

mind

? Well sleep is the best way to relief human's

mind

and by doing physical activities we can relax our

mind

For example

, students have a lot of stress of their school

work

even when they are at home, which is assignments.

Moreover

, they feel restless because of

this

which is not good for a growing teenager it would be brain causes. In conclusion, to adapt knowledge teenagers should go for

time

work

However

, there may be some drawbacks of it.

Anyhow every

Accept comma addition

Anyhow, every

coin

have

Suggestion

has

two sides so

refers to the speaker or writer

think they can easily manage by their experience. It would be great idea study and

work

together but

Accept comma addition

together, but

in limit by not only focusing on

work

, they shall keep it in balance.

Submitted by jaspreets817 on Sun May 17 2020

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

348 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn't sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Topic: some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play\ with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys?

Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. But others believe that should focus on subjects that they are good at or that they find the most interest discuss both side and give your opinion.

some children spend hours every on smartphones. Why is this case? Is it a positive or negative development?

Task 2 ; --- Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statement?

These days, mobile phones and the internet are very important to the ways in which people relate to one another socially. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?