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Band 4.5

Do you agree or disagree that celebrities are paid far too much money

#celebrities #money
These days, MOST
celebrities
 can easily earn lots of
money
 by using their fame and their image. There are some people who
said
Wrong verb form
say
show examples
 that
celebrities
 are paid much more than what they
deserved
Wrong verb form
deserve
show examples
.To my view, I strongly agree with
this
 opinion. In
this
 essay, I will explain the reasons for
this
 argument. Normally, every
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 has their own role and mission and they will be paid for their contribution to society.
Celebrities
 are
also
 the same.
However
, they can have a
lot
 of opportunities to earn
money
. The
money
 they earn would not only come from their monthly salary, but
also
 from the salaries for attending
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
 of famous brands everywhere. They just need to dress well and come to the event for a shooting,
then
 they can get a
lot
 of
money
. The
money
 they get from an event can even be equal to the salary of months for other essential workers
such
 as teachers or nurses.
This
 field is
such
 a thriving industry and
celebrities
 find it super easy to earn
money
. Some
celebrities
 can
also
 create their own brand to sell their products or become an ambassador for some brands, which help them to earn more
money
 and reputation. They use their beauty as the face for that brand's products.
Therefore
, fans and their loved ones will support these brands and purchase these products.
Celebrities
 do not need to get the proper marketing
courseS
Correct your spelling
courses
show examples
 and academic studying, but they still get a
lot
 of
money
 just by using their stunning appearance, and a part of
natural
Correct pronoun usage
their natural
show examples
 talent. In conclusion, I understand that with any job, we
also
 need to
pay
Verb problem
make
show examples
 a
lot
 of effort.
However
, the payment needs to be balanced
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the real workload they have. It should be the same for
celebrities
 and other professions
Submitted by dgiang930 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states the writer's position and provides an outline of the main points to be discussed. The conclusion should summarize the main arguments and restate the position taken.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt adequately and provides relevant examples. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a clear main point and that the arguments support the writer's position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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