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Band 6.5

High Rise building - advantage/disadvantage These days more people prefer to live in vertical buildings. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the people?

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Introduction
In recent years, there has been a marked surge in the preference for residing in high-rise buildings.
While
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this
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 vertical form of accommodation offers certain advantages,
such
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 as affordability and prime urban locations, it is not without its disadvantages, including reduced privacy and the risk of social isolation.
Body paragraph 1
Proponents of high-rise living contend that these modern edifices, which are often clustered in city
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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, can dramatically enhance the urban skyline and appeal to those who prefer the convenience of apartment living.
However
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,
such
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 residences frequently come with a higher price tag, necessitating greater financial outlay.
Moreover
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,
although
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 the residents of these towers may achieve material prosperity and lead productive lives, they often struggle to form meaningful connections with their neighbours. The absence of casual, day-to-day interactions,
such
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 as a friendly nod or brief conversation in the lift, can engender a profound sense of estrangement.
Body paragraph 2
Conversely
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, there are distinct financial and social advantages to consider. The collective maintenance and shared amenities,
such
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 as swimming pools and gyms, can yield long-term savings for apartment dwellers.
In addition
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, these communal facilities can foster relationships among residents, as they encourage interaction and the development of a micro-community. High-rise apartment buildings are
also
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 typically more affordable and better positioned near essential urban services, reducing the time and cost of commuting and granting easy access to shops, leisure activities, and public transportation.
Furthermore
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, for residents who raise children, these structures can provide a secure environment where children can form enduring friendships with their peers, creating a robust support network
that is
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 valuable over time.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 high-rise living embodies a contemporary and pragmatic answer to urban housing challenges, it carries the potential for increased charges and a diminished sense of community.
Nevertheless
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, the social and communal benefits, including opportunities for interaction and
neighborly
Change the spelling
neighbourly
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 support, can help to offset these drawbacks. Ultimately, the decision to embrace high-rise living demands a careful balancing of its merits against its limitations, taking into account individual preferences and long-term happiness

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task response
Keep the two sides more clearly separate. In the first body part, you first call high-rise homes a good choice, but then say they cost more and can make people feel alone. This makes the main point less clear. Put all bad points in one part and all good points in the other.
task response
Check that each point is fully true and does not go against another point. The essay says these homes have a higher price, but later says they are more affordable. Explain that they may cost less than a house in the same city area, but still have high monthly fees.
task response
Use more direct examples. For example, say that a family may save travel time because the building is near a train stop, but may pay extra each month for security, lifts, and shared areas.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first line of each body part show its main idea more clearly. For example: “One main disadvantage is the cost and lack of privacy.” Then give details after it.
coherence and cohesion
The phrase “Conversely” is not the best link here because the first part has both good and bad ideas. A simpler link such as “On the other hand” will work better after you make the first part only about disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same social point in both body parts without a clear difference. In one part, focus on feeling alone; in the other, focus on meeting people in shared spaces. This will make the plan easier to follow.
task response
You answer both parts of the question. You give clear good points, such as shared places, lower travel time, less privacy, and less contact with other people.
task response
Your opening and ending both stay on the main topic. The ending gives a clear overall view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use links such as “Moreover”, “In addition”, and “Furthermore” well. Your ideas move in a smooth way in most places.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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