IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #entertainers #impact #society #money #effect
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Entertainment
Use synonyms
 is an art which everybody likes to have in their life. Our society reacts differently when it comes to paying
money
Use synonyms
 to
entertainment
Use synonyms
 providers with some considering its bad effects on society and take the
money
Use synonyms
 paid for the reason as useless while others take it a healthy activity which deserve to be paid for. I think not every individual has the art of amusing others so the ones providing
entertainment
Use synonyms
 must be paid for that,
however
Linking Words
, the negative impacts should be considered. The trend of earning
money
Use synonyms
 by amusing others is getting higher day by day so we see can plethora of
entertainment
Use synonyms
 programs on television, internet, mobile phones and at live shows. I believe
this
Linking Words
 is actually required because almost everyone observe a busy and hectic work routine throughout the day, where good
entertainment
Use synonyms
 helps to relieve the mind from tensions at least for some time.
Therefore
Linking Words
, to acknowledge the efforts of entertainers, they must be paid a sufficient amount as it is not an easy thing to divert the attention of people from the worries of life to some pleasant moment. On the other side, we see some people trying to entertain others with some immoral activities and just to earn
money
Use synonyms
 they agree to go for any type of activity.
Also
Linking Words
, some people believe it to be a waste of time
that is
Linking Words
 a bad thing. Some of the comedy shows on TV or some websites on the internet with entertainers posting immoral jokes are especially dangerous for growing kids as almost every person watches TV and uses the internet. So, entertainers who leave negative impact on mind do exist. In
such
Linking Words
 a scenario people consider paying
money
Use synonyms
 to entertainers as useless. To recapitulate, I would say, positively
Use synonyms
entertainment
Suggestion
entertained
 must be a vital part of our life to stay healthy and relax our mind.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the people providing happy moments to others must be paid a good amount. While the negative entertainers must be unmotivated to save the community from toxic thoughts.
Submitted by smehreenshah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: