Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Military supplies require human resources, most include the joining of youngsters, mainly males.

Nevertheless

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, some countries are adopting the formation of males and females equally, there are a bunch of people who believe

this

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could be tough-provoking

due to

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freedom of expression and a waste of time. There is another part of the population who reckon the value of the army and the benefits who instil those institutions in personal integrity. In

this

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essay, I will express the reasons I agree with would be a great idea that military

service

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should be mandatory for all.

To begin

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with, an increasing amount of teenagers argued that military

service

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should not be compulsory

due to

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military science is another degree, and as any science, must be selected by vocation.

Therefore

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, it is a restriction of the freedom of choice and thinking.

For example

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, in Colombia, youngsters have to spend from 2 to 3 years offering the

service

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for the nation,

this

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time is equivalent to

study

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six semesters at the university.

Hence

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, exposure to the hazards of the army and feelings of frustration, anxiety, and stress could be dangerous for the new generations.

However

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, military forces are implementing new management systems that foster the

study

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of multidisciplinary fields of knowledge applied.

For instance

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, there is an indoor degree in military art which is designed for soldiers passionate about expressing art through paintings, those students can support the nation by expressing the efforts of the army for the benefit of the communities.

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, is false that military

service

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blocked the

study

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in spite of being mandatory.

Moreover

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, military services foster discipline and a good health condition which are crucial and demanding these days with our teenagers. In conclusion, some people believe that military

service

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shouldn't be compulsory because denies the possibility to new generations the choice to

study

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what they want, but it is exemplified that commanders are instilling in new soldiers the income of new way of knowledge applied to the military life, and

as a result

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, men and women with excellent discipline and abilities to defend the nation are formed.

Therefore

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, I agree with the aforementioned notion.

sebastianher18Sat Jun 22 2024

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task achievement

Your essay could further elaborate on whether the benefits of discipline and health outweigh the concerns about freedom and personal choice. Adding more depth and analysis will strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

Strengthen the logical connection between ideas by explicitly linking them. For instance, use more transitional phrases like 'however,' 'moreover,' and 'therefore' to guide the reader smoothly through your points.

task achievement

Make sure each supporting point is developed thoroughly. Occasionally, your examples could be expanded more to better illustrate your points, such as providing more detail about the Colombian military service or how military art degrees are applied outside the military context.

coherence cohesion

Watch for minor language inaccuracies and ensure that sentences are grammatically complete and clearly convey their intended meaning. This will enhance overall coherence.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction clearly sets up the context and outlines the differing perspectives, setting the stage for a balanced discussion.

task achievement

You have included relevant examples and experiences, such as the situation in Colombia, which add authenticity to your arguments.

introduction conclusion present

The conclusion effectively revisits your main arguments and reinforces your overall stance on the matter.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

356 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Compulsory
Military service
Conscription
Patriotism
National security
Social equality
Discipline
Physical fitness
Life skills
Job training
Infringement
Conscripts
Gender equality
Mandatory
Economy
Education system
Labor market
Civil service
Alternative forms
Balanced view

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