IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as two thirds of the children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#childhood #obesity #australia #two #thirds #children #schools #responsibility #students #amount #exercise
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Obesity is becoming a problematic issue in young generation, especially in Australia, where% of the young generation are obese. In believe of some
school
Use synonyms
 should take charge of it by recording about children’s eating habits and their physical activity.
This
Linking Words
 essay discusses why I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 phrase because institute’s
life
Use synonyms
 is a major part of child’s
life
Use synonyms
. The main reason why Australian schools should monitor what children eat and exercise is because students spend almost of their valuable time of
life
Use synonyms
 in
school
Use synonyms
. Children not only stay in
school
Use synonyms
 at their breakfast and lunch time, but
also
Linking Words
 eat junk
food
Use synonyms
 from cafes and canteens available there. A recent study states that institute children eat 80% of their daily
food
Use synonyms
 requirements during faculty hours. It is
also
Linking Words
 mentioned that kids intake about two
third
Linking Words
 part of their
food
Use synonyms
 within 8 hours after wakeup.
Therefore
Linking Words
, parents will have the knowledge of what all should they do, if the academy’s record about kids eating and physical activity details. It is definitely the
school
Use synonyms
’s responsibility to maintain a record that how much a child eats in proportionate to it, has he played enough sports? The secondary, but
also
Linking Words
 a very essential reason why
school
Use synonyms
 should meddle with student’s diet and exercise is because it can have positive psychological impacts on the students themselves. Since, teachers are the role models for kids, if they tell children about the pros and cons; advantages and disadvantages of eating unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
in addition
Linking Words
 of healthy eating habits, children will change their way of looking feed only in terms of eating and taste. An experiment was done in a secondary
school
Use synonyms
 at Texas by initiating these talks in their daily routine for 10 minutes and discussing what all each kid eats in a day, in order to that, they
also
Linking Words
 changed menu of café by providing healthy drink,
this
Linking Words
 not only transformed the way of eating of children, but
also
Linking Words
 while the experiment children forced their parents to eat and cook healthy which lead 70% weight loss of overweight kids. Certainly, it is good idea. To conclude,
this
Linking Words
 essay discussed why schools should be a part in the prevention of
this
Linking Words
 preventable disease because students spend half of the time at
school
Use synonyms
 for about 11 years and it may affect children to adopt healthy
life
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, I completely agree with the proposition that childhood obesity is the responsibility of the
school
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by xvvjm46676 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: