IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays most people spend less time in their homes. What are the causes of it? What are the effects on society and individuals?

People
Use synonyms
 and their
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
changes
Correct subject-verb agreement
change
show examples
 with
time
Use synonyms
 and the available options for doing the activities in their interest.
Today
Use synonyms
, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 like to spend their
time
Use synonyms
 outside. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 we will discuss
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
 and
outcome
Correct article usage
the outcome
show examples
 of
this
Linking Words
 trend and provide a logical conclusion. In
this
Linking Words
 new era, technology and other supporting elements have attracted
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals powerfully and made them change their behaviour and daily routines.
Today
Use synonyms
everyone
Punctuation problem
, everyone
show examples
 is interested in going out with friends to bars, restaurants, shopping malls, multiplexes and
such
Linking Words
 places. One of the main causes is their hectic work life. Workplaces force or make
people
Use synonyms
 stressed to meet their needs for the client's contract.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 want to take
time
Use synonyms
 off from their work stress and go for the activities mentioned above.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the ease of transportation
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 we have
today
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 was not
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
available
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 everyone 50 years ago. Because of the cheap travel expenses, it is more likely not only in a country but
also
Linking Words
 around the planet.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, some
people
Use synonyms
 feel caged or depressed
while
Linking Words
 being in homes. As these activities bring happiness
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some threatening and blissful outcomes can be seen in society at the same
time
Use synonyms
.
First
Correct article usage
The first
show examples
 main cause is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Climate change. Nowadays
this
Linking Words
 is one
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 leading
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 we are facing. Carbon emissions are so high that some researchers
anticipated
Wrong verb form
anticipate
show examples
 the use of oxygen cylinders to
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
 is not too far.
Moreover
Linking Words
, glaciers are melting rapidly, causing
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
show examples
 of some animal species and floods or
tsunami
Fix the agreement mistake
tsunamis
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 coastal regions.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is delightful to see
people
Use synonyms
 becoming prosperous.
Travel
Correct article usage
The travel
show examples
 and Tourism sector provides a large number of
employment
Check wording
jobs
show examples
. When someone goes
out
Punctuation problem
out,
show examples
 they will most likely spend money, which will create more business and employment sector. And it will help in making the nation's economy strong
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will not die because of hunger.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
today
Use synonyms
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 number of
people
Use synonyms
 prefer organising their
time
Use synonyms
 outside of the house.
This
Linking Words
 change happened because of the easy and cheap travel and their lifestyle. And the outcomes are both good and bad.

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structure
Improve task response by clearly stating the causes and effects in a strong, direct way. Start with a short intro, then two clear parts (causes, effects) and end with a clear conclusion.
coherence
Work on linking ideas. Use linking words like 'also', 'however', 'for example' to show how ideas connect.
grammar
Shorten long sentences. Use simple, clear sentences. Check punctuation, especially comma use.
content
Give clear examples for each reason and effect. Specific examples make ideas feel real.
grammar
Watch grammar mistakes and spellings. Proof read to fix common errors.
content
There is a clear attempt to cover both causes and effects, and a conclusion is present.
content
Some good ideas about the impact on the economy and climate are included.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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