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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, young people are granted certain privileges, and responsibilities at the age of sixteen. Clearly parents have a responsibility to both care for and prepare their children as they approach this important milestone To what degree should parents intervene in the lives of their 14-15 year-old children?

#countries #people #privileges #responsibilities #age #sixteen #parents #responsibility #care #children #approach #milestone #lives
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Many
people
Use synonyms
 try to involve their
children
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 in
work
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 when they grow up. At the
age
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 of sixteen, some of the
children
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 start to do tasks or responsibilities to help their families. Some families think that
children
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 should not be involved in
work
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.
However
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, some of them think that responsibilities must be learned at a young
age
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. On the one hand, learning to do tasks and responsibilities at a young
age
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 has benefits
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
person
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 when they grow up. To elaborate, the
person
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 who learned to do things when he/she was at a young
age
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 has better success in
work
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 life. Namely, parents should give information about taking responsibility. In
spite
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 of that helps the
person
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's future life.
Moreover
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,
children
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 who had siblings when they grew up, have better preparation for adulthood. In
spite
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 of their having to help them by doing something.
On the other hand
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, grown-ups think that teams should not be involved in doing tasks or jobs if they are forced to do the
work
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.
Besides
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, teenagers that start to
work
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 in mechanical jobs sometimes
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are forced to do the thing that they don't want. In
spite
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 of
this
Linking Words
, some
people
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 have a trauma of working.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in recent years job accidents have increased in
spite
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 of workers who didn't have enough knowledge of
work
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. In conclusion, some groups of
people
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 think that achieving knowledge of something at a younger
age
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 has benefits for the
person
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.
However
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, some
people
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 think that it is harmful to
children
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 to
work
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.
However
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, my view is that accomplishing knowledge always affects the
person
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 in a positive way.
Submitted by mcqueensever on

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task achievement
To address the topic fully, ensure all parts of the question are discussed, and maintain focus on the parents' role rather than just working responsibilities.
task achievement
Provide specific examples or data to better illustrate the argument, especially regarding the benefits or drawbacks of early responsibilities.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring that ideas logically flow into each other, and use more transitional phrases.
coherence cohesion
Enhance cohesion by clearly linking all ideas back to the central topic, ensuring each paragraph effectively ties into your thesis.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the argument well.
task achievement
You have addressed the main issue of preparing children for responsibility, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You've made an effort to present both sides of the issue, showing a balanced approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • intervene
  • milestone
  • privileges
  • responsibilities
  • accountability
  • supervision
  • boundaries
  • autonomy
  • financial literacy
  • curfews
  • micromanaging
  • extracurricular activities
  • self-improvement
  • support system
  • real-world experiences
  • decision-making skills
  • negative influences
  • academic progress
  • independence
  • emotional and practical preparation
What to do next:
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