IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, the number of people visiting art galleries is reducing. What do you think the reasons for this are? How can we solve this problem?

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In many parts of the world, there is a decrease in the proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 visiting art galleries. Previously,
people
Use synonyms
 used to visit cultural destinations whenever they
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
. In my opinion, the major reason is the shortage of time
due to
Linking Words
 excessive
work load
Correct your spelling
workload
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. Imposing certain regulations on labour and employees might be beneficial to hurdle
this
Linking Words
 problem. In the modern era, with the advancement of industrialisation,
people
Use synonyms
 have become workaholics.
In other words
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
 work daily
more
Change preposition
for more
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 than 8 hours in order to bring food to the household.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they do not have the opportunity and time to take pleasure in visiting galleries.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the quality of education is surprisingly getting worse, and
this
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 prevents
people
Use synonyms
 from discovering galleries because they do not understand the symbols and actual content presented in the art. Governments should regulate labour law in a way that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
gives workers more freedom.
For example
Linking Words
, recently Japan has announced that it will give 3 days a week off to all workers because it actually increases the efficiency in a workplace. Another solution might be
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 provision of a widespread mode of transport by increasing the number of stations and locations. Thereby,
people
Use synonyms
 can travel from their homes to both nearby and far cultural destinations. In conclusion, shortage of time
due to
Linking Words
 overwork and lack of proper education have mainly caused a reduction in the number of
people
Use synonyms
 interested in seeing art. I believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 governments should impose regulations to prevent working more than a certain hour a day.
Moreover
Linking Words
, widening transportation throughout a country would come in handy as well.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is elaborated on, and consider adding more specific examples to support your points firmly.
task achievement
Expand on the solutions proposed to make them more specific and actionable. This could enhance your task achievement score.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion about the reasons for the decrease in art gallery visitation and some potential solutions.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with clear introduction, body, and conclusion sections.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital entertainment
  • cultural access
  • exhibitions
  • streaming services
  • financial constraints
  • leisure activities
  • interactive experiences
  • immersive
  • marketing strategies
  • outreach
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