Some people think the government is responsible for rise in childhood obesity, while other think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

A Health problems like overweight,
lungs
Suggestion
lung
problem and many more in young children’S are ramping these days some think that law plays
great role
Suggestion
a great role
in
it but
Accept comma addition
it, but
on
other hand
Suggestion
the other hand
some believes that it is
fault
Suggestion
the fault
of the parents. According to me both play
equal role
Suggestion
an equal role
equal roles
in it. Government is a crucial part of everything that happens in our
country whether
Accept comma addition
country, whether
its
the thing named or in question
it
is constructive or destructive. Fast
food
restaurants open on every street corner which sell high fat and cholesterol
food
which is
main cause
Suggestion
the main cause
of obesity in young people. Every school has canteens which contain oily
food
to sell
as a result
cause a health
problems
Suggestion
problem
. Power of
country
Suggestion
the country
needs to take actions to stop these shops which are playing with their health in name of tasty
food
. Union should enforce a law for schools to stop selling inconvenience
food
in addition
to that upcoming generation should be given nutrient guide.
On the other hand
parents play
vital role
Suggestion
a vital role
in building a healthy and a physically fit child. Everything people learn is from their
home but
Accept comma addition
home, but
due to globalization parents got longer hour of work they don’t have enough time to prepare their
food
at home
therefore
they prefer to eat junk. It is believed that children which two parents obese is more likely to be ten to twelve times obese.
Therefore it
Accept comma addition
Therefore, it
is
parents responsibility
Suggestion
the parents responsibility
to control on their daily lifestyle to live healthy and wealthy life. To conclude, with the help of
union
Suggestion
the union
unions
and our guidance every problem can be solved. Eating
healthy avoiding
Accept comma addition
healthy, avoiding
instance
Accept comma addition
instance, food
food
will make every individual fit and living for
longer time
Suggestion
a longer time
and saving money on these
food
Suggestion
foods
and medication.
Submitted by 1610nav on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: